Chalk & Cheese - dueng@mangifera

2012; A Year of Change. I hope.

2011-12-30T18:08:00.003+08:00

2011 was a blunder. For most part.

2011 was amongst worst year of my life. 2011 along with 1990, 1995 and 2002; the darkest year of my life. Nothing could be compared to any other year of my 27 years of life. There were year that was not that good but not that sucky either. Those 4 years absolute-gut-wrenching, huge-punch-to-groin-and-big-slap-to-the-face years which leave me numb for a while.

2011 was a year of disappointment. Lots of missing key events (especially at work). Years of depression (also at work).

One shining light in 2011 was my daughter. Her birth light my world. Truely.

Let's review how my 2011 went by:

Work
I finally got out, said it out loud and stood my ground that I had enough. I'm doing this job for 3 freaking years. Yeah, not that long but nothing more I could learn at this job. Not that I'm an expert per se but the learning curve flatlined in 2011. So, I requested for transfer. Well, I did requested in 2010 but considering the situation at work (given the incident and what not), I accepted the fact that I got to stay.

Involved with a lab (kinda like focus discussion) which resulted in me missing major part of budget exercise. After that, got hospitalized. Again. Missing the major part of budget exercise. Again. By then, my motivation just take a nose dive.

Then, that was that. End of life line.

But now that my replacement came in and I got to teach them on things that I had done for 3 years, I realized that I had done alot these past 3 years. Some people in a department in KL referred me as "budget godfather"; somewhat make me flattered. There are people who look up to me for something and with the knowledge that I have, I feel quite fulfilled with what I had achieved past 3 years.

Getting someone to understand what I tried hard to understand make me feel good. Well, maybe I should be in teaching profession instead of this job.

Well, let see how the future roll.

Anyhow, 2011 was year of my daughter. My babe. 24/07/2011; a day of magical sunshine broke into my gloomy day of 2011. Alhamdulillah, I was there with Eme went thru the whole process. Yurp kids, I see how the scissors, the nurses, the doctor and the baby; the whole process. Scary? Surprisingly, not much I must say. I got not much fear of blood, years of scrolling down rotten.com and watching gore movies/pictures somehow beneficial in the time of needs like this.

Eme and me decided to name the baby Hannah. Just Hannah, no Nur, Noor, Siti, Nurul whatsoever. One simple word; Hannah. Cause we thought it would be easy for her in the future; her name not that early in alphabet order means she will get called for dentist or exam too early; not getting first row at exam. Her name not too long thus make the teachers, JPN people and us having hard time in future to write her name down and/or teach her how to spell her name. And her name could be a universal name; Caucasian, Asian and Arabs use the same name with the same spelling thus make it easy for her to travel anywhere.

Well, at least that the thought. Owh, and her name is a palindrome. Hannah; spelling from front to back and vice versa the same.

So, that's that my 2011. Amongst worst year of my life but not going down as the worst as Hannah was born.

2012; I hope a year of change. Change my job, change my job grade, change my salary, change my motivation, change my health status. I hope and work towards it. I hope it will be a better year if not the best.

So, merry 2012 everyone.

Howdy!

2011-03-12T19:21:00.003+08:00

Howdy!

Am back. After a while, feel like writing it here again. In case you never heard of it, I'm married and will be expecting little us in August, InsyaAllah. Life so far has few ups and lots of down; always a pessimistic statement from me. Couldn't help it really.

Lots of thing happened in 2010.

Happy things:
1) Get engaged
2) Get married
3) Live as newly wed

Not so happy things:
1) Admitted for diabetis (stable now)
2) Missing major part of work thus affecting my motivation
3) Hectic, busy and full house schedule.

I have to admit that life as married man change my world. Having someone (soon to be two) to take care of really put me into thinking mode each time. Some silly mistakes here and there, I should be fine. Nothing is perfect but we have lifetime to discover it, InsyaAllah.

Work was hectic, busy, sad, bitter, full of jokes and mega fun! I just enjoyed it so much though repeating the same experience for another year maybe not so encouraging. However, boss already put me in charge with some big label to me; You Can Improve It To Be Better This Year! Noted boss. Thanks for the trust.

Financially, barely enough as usual. Perhaps should cut here and there but in the midst of getting on my feet again and running the game. It's the usual cycle of starting somewhere new, you'll be struggling at start but what makes you a perfectly unique human is how you get back on your feet and keep on running. I got a hunch that 2011 will be a better year and I pray for that.

All in all, life is fun and will always be fun. I having so much colours in life, I just couldn't ask for more. One rainbow at a time, please.

I will keep posting here since I'm back. Keep on reading, keep on smiling and have fun with life.

Wind of Change. A Bit.

2010-07-01T00:48:00.001+08:00

Well...

Hello there. I won't be writing much here as I will be writing somewhere else on more constant basis than this old, bersawang blog.

I feel that, life take a turn and I yet to have any feel whether it's for better or for worse. What I could do is just pray.

Owh...I write at MultipleEyes every Friday. Or any other day to make up my missing Friday posts.

This blog?

Well, I will let it rot for a while. Though, I might feel like I want it again...some other time. Or not.

I dunno.

Kepala Lutut Kamu!

2010-03-04T14:26:00.003+08:00

The title takde kaitan dengan topik discuss dalam entri ni. Malas sudah nak bagi tajuk best-best sebab ceritanya boring.

Cut story short, busy gile dengan macam-macam benda. Personal and work come along throwing everything their hand could get at me. Occupied for days!

Lately, been downloading Naruto old episodes and rerun in progress. 3 weeks and manage to finish 120+ episodes in between works and life. hehehe.

Also, finished watching Liar Game Season 2. Even better than season 1, more twist and more dramatic dark cloud around the storyline. The grand finale in the movie, still waiting SARS Fansub to sub it. Can't wait for the finale! It will be extra cool.

As for music, lately fall deeply in love with YUI. Well, not a new news however YUI become extra cute lately. And I must say the songs presented matured even further and really soothing to my ears. Rooting for YUI and her short hair! Yeay!

My favorite songs:
1) It's all too much
2) Never Say Die - the best from YUI!
3) Gloria
4) Muffler

Could download it at JpopSuki, however you need to register for it. JpopSuki is making comeback with great pose!

I must say life as Jpop and Jrock fan wouldn't be complete without JpopSuki. One stop centre for J-Songs. I weep manly tears when I could get back the access. Uhuk~

Btw, JpopSuki could be find at: http://www.jpopsuki.eu/index.php

Nowadays, more on reading than writing entry. I guess, easier to read than to write something fresh. Haha. Ciao~

Cuba Untuk Tidak Skeptik!

2010-01-27T22:28:00.003+08:00

Pagi tadi, opis agak muram. Ditambah pulak gerimis dalam samar-samar pagi di Kertih. Memang perfect setting untuk bermalas-malasan. My colleague yang duduk sebelah saya tak sihat. Dari kelmarin lagi dia tak sihat, mula-mula tu selsema then hari ni bertambah teruk; demam terus. Cuaca akhir-akhir ni asyik hujan, panas, hujan, panas, kadang-kadang hujan panas. Bukan sahaja orang, batu pun boleh retak kalau macam tu.

Seharian amoi tu tidur je, memang sangat lah tak sihat. Dia tanya saya, ok ke kalau dia nak balik? Bagi saya, ok je. Dah kalau tak sihat, buat apa paksa-paksa diri datang opis, kan? Things that could wait, should wait. Hari-hari menunggu maklumat dari orang KL dan Finance camni memang tak banyak benda nak dibuat. Saya cuma tolong section head feed info untuk presentation, analysis yang dah buat waktu budget cycle in December agak berguna untuk beef up lagi presentation tu. Tapi amoi tu still jugak duduk kat opis, muka dah macam orang lalok (memang lalok pun sebab tak larat sebab demam dan sebab makan ubat).

Last-last amoi tu pergi la klinik, ambik ubat. Ingatkan dah hilang terus dah balik rehat kat rumah, sekali dia datang jugak opis. Tak faham sungguh. Takper lah, dia tidur je kat bilik mommy (bilik untuk mommy yang bekerja untuk mengepam susu untuk anak2 kecik di rumah). Tapi dia taknak, maka tidurlah dekat sofa bahagian belakang opis. Dah berbalut dengan pashmina dan kot dah tapi still nampak dia sangat tidak larat.

Waktu nak balik tadi, dia mintak temankan dia jalan turun pergi kereta. Sebab dia dah betul-betul macam lalok sangat, rasanya kalau kena tiup tu boleh melayang. So, saya pun temanlah dia berjalan turun sampai ke kereta dia. Actually, tak sampai pun kereta dia sebab saya parking kawasan lain.

Selepas tu, saya terfikir sendiri. Saya rasa tenang dengan diri saya. Saya rasa dah lama saya tak buat good gesture to others cam yang jadi harini. Mungkin saya patut buat lebih lagi. Dah lama rasanya saya tidak skeptikal dengan orang dan berfikir bahawa seseorang itu adalah ikhlas dalam tutur katanya. Mungkin sebab cuaca kot, kepala otak saya retak sikit sebab panas dan hujan atau.....mungkin jugak boring dah kot jadi skeptikal, otak fikir terlalu kompleks. Takper lah, kita tengok sampai mana saya boleh tidak skeptikal.

Diharapkan tiadalah umat-umat yang dangkal fikirannya merosakkan mood baik saya dengan buat perangai yang khinzir pun segan nak mengaku saudara. All people are good people, life turning them into monster.

Believe in that!

p/s: seronok jadi skeptik sebab tiada apa yang manusia lakukan yang boleh mengejutkan saya sebab saya percaya manusia boleh lakukan perkara yang tidak terbayang di kepala kita sekarang. Cumanya, saya melihat dari sudut negatif, bukan positif. Itulah skeptik!

Hell

2010-01-26T18:14:00.003+08:00

Orang kata, kena tempuh kesukaran dulu baru kita menghargai kesenangan yang kita kecapi sekarang.

One must go thru hell to get to heaven. Heaven surrounds by hellish, torn path.

Saya tidak bercakap dalam konteks keagamaan, lebih kepada konteks kehidupan.

Kepayahan dan kesusahan sebahagian daripada jalan menuju ke "syurga" kesenangan.

Takde mood lately ni, dah suka marah-marah even sebab benda-benda kecik. Kesabaran saya makin tipis, adakah kerana saya selalu letih? Kerja tu semakin banyak, sampai kadang-kadang overwhelm dengan amount of work yang ada tapi kawan-kawan saya yang lain pun banyak kerja; malahan lagi banyak dari saya. Tak patut saya nak komplen pasal benda ni.

Tapi tak boleh kalau tak komplen, sebab nanti saya emo. Lagi emo, something torn between me and someone. Malas nak cerita panjang tapi the torn sewn and wrapping up nicely. Sedikit sebanyak, saya terasa faktor keletihan tu ada menyumbang sedikit sebanyak kepada bagaimana emosi saya lately ni. Saya rasa bersalah cuma ego nak mintak maaf. Yer, saya ego.

Baru-baru ni kawan-kawan ada call and sms, tanya itu ini tapi tak terasa nak jawab. Terasa nak kurung diri dalam bilik dan menyendiri. Semakin saya keluar kepada manusia di luar sana, saya rasa semakin la kesabaran saya menipis. Saya tak suka benda yang nonsense dan tidak praktikal, sebab saya jenis manusia yang straightforward dan praktikal.

Wedding kengkawan pun banyak saya tak pergi, cuma yang saya terasa nak pergi je saya akan usahakan jugak untuk sampai. Entah lah, saya rasa semakin ramai kawan saya add kat Facebook, semakin drifted away saya dari mereka. Apakah relationship that tidak pernah wujud antara saya dan mereka akan wujud hanya kerana saya add mereka di Facebook? Sebahagian mereka tidak pernah bercakap dengan saya, apatah lagi mengenali saya...kami cuma dihubungkan oleh tempat dimana kami bersama. Sebetulnya, hanya sebilangan kecil sahaja manusia yang benar-benar saya keep in touch.

Saya selalu terfikir, adakah saya incapable of (re)connect with people? Ada antara kawan-kawan di Facebook adalah kawan-kawan lama yang dulu bertepuk tampar mesra tapi saya tak tahu kenapa saya tidak boleh reconnect dengan mereka.

Mungkin saya tidak menyukai pengalaman saya di tempat itu, SEMSAS dan UTP. Terus terang, saya rasa saya tidak pernah menjadi sebahagian dari budaya tempat-tempat itu yang pentingkan ketrampilan dan cubaan berkawan-kawan dengan semua orang. Saya rasa dari dulu lagi saya incapable of making friends kerana saya tidak suka mengorbankan dan go against what I think right untuk membuat kawan. Jika saya tidak suka terhadap sesuatu perkara yang dilakukan oleh seseorang, percayalah saya mengelak menjadi kawan mereka. Bagi saya, yang penting adalah perkara yang saya fikirkan betul dan tidak saya kompromi terhadap itu.

Saya selalu merasakan saya suka pergi ke arah yang bertentangan dengan orang lain yang menyaksikan penyisihan yang ketara dari manusia-manusia lain. Cuma sebilangan kecil manusia yang memahami corak pemikiran saya, dan mereka itulah yang selalunya menjadi kawan saya.

Mungkin juga saya tidak fit untuk bergaul dengan orang lain selain dari kawan-kawan saya. Saya cepat berasa jengkel dengan cara mereka membawa diri mereka kerana saya dapat melihat karektor mereka yang suka diampu-ampu, bertindak dan berfikir mengikut majoriti sekalipun mereka sebenarnya tidak bersetuju kerana mereka perlu menjadi sebahagian dari komuniti yang begitu. Komuniti yang flamboyant tapi kosong. Yang popular tapi sunyi, tidak jujur.

Entahlah, mungkin saya tidak sukakan perkara-perkara begitu. Mungkin saya terlalu logikal dan rasional untuk majoriti manusia di dunia ini. Yang penting, saya suka begini.

Menculik Miyabi a.k.a Maria Ozawa

2010-01-12T09:38:00.006+08:00

What the heck? Maria Ozawa in an Indonesian movie? Now, that's brilliant!

"

Film Menculik Miyabi Dibintangi Maria Ozawa - Setelah pada artikel sebelumnya diberitakan bahwa Maria Ozawa alias Miyabi akan main film di Indonesia, kini berita tersebutpun telah mendapatkan titik terang. Bintang porno asal Jepang tersebut dipastikan akan membintangi sebuah film berjudul Menculik Miyabi yang akan dirilis oleh Maxima Picture pada akhir tahun 2009 ini.

Foto Miyabi Maria Ozawa

"Rencananya akhir 2009 ini, bulan Desember," ujar Odi Mulya Hidayat produser Maxima Pictures seperti yang dikutip dari situs detikhot.com, Rabu (16/9/2009).

Sementara naskah film Menculik Miyabi akan ditulis oleh Raditya Dika yang dikenal sebelumnya telah menulis film yang cukup sukses, yaitu Kambing Jantan.

Disinggung soal bayaran untuk Maria Ozawa aka Miyabi, maka Odi Mulya Hidayat selaku produser Maxima menyebutkan kepada detikhot.com, mengaku membayar mahal untuk mendatangkan artis film porno tersebut.

Sementara Maria Ozawa merupakan bintang iklan yang kemudian populer sebagai pemain film porno. Perempuan yang kini berusia 23 tahun itu melakoni debutnya sebagai bintang film porno profesional pada 2005 lalu. Kini, film porno yang dibintanginya menjadi buruan utama para pengunduh nakal."

Source: Karodalnet.

The Holland Attack!

2010-01-07T14:42:00.005+08:00

Alternative music or indie music; always be my choice. Am not an aficionado so to speak however the interest in digging better and quality alternative/indie music always sparks adrenaline rush in my head. Lately, I found new jewels of alternative/indie music, well, thanks to certain particular person who some sort introduce it to me. I was browsing the status page when I came across Within Temptation youtube link shared by Man.

I thought to myself; hey, I know Within Temptation. I used to listen to their songs. I used to listen to Memories, Angels and Ice Queen. Of course I like Memories the most, Sharon den Adel is so kicking Amy Lee of Evanessence ass, at least that's what I thought. The earlier album more symphonic rock and gothic metal which make it totally awesome. You should sample Memories and Angels to get the idea how symphonic rock and gothic metal sounds like.

Newest single from Within Temptation called Utopia featuring Chris Jones is deep and moving me in so many ways.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEIvlihb2Ms

Sorry, no embedded video is allowed. Sharon's high pitch voice with Chris' husky rocking voice blend into musical beauty, cliche but the lyrics and melody echoes in your wake and sleep! (some exaggeration doesn't hurt, eh?)

Next item on my quest for indie/alternative music bring me to another rock band from Holland. Yeah, the small country of Holland have more than just tulips, drug and sex capital of Europe, total football, total hockey and colonial master of Indonesia and few other nations! If Within Temptation regarded as one of the best musical export of Holland, the other spectrum of Holland musical export that catches my eyes (and ears respectively) is Cloudmachine. This is one of the most famous indie band in Holland; regarded as Holland hidden pride of local scene. Well, who am I to argue on that?

My sampling become easier cause they release their album in Mininova.org. Yes, the same Mininova which used to be single most important entity for TV series torrent download, movies, warez etc etc now become a legit content distributor. They still stick to torrent as medium of file sharing however the contents is for general distribution license and free materials; a suitable ground for indie artist to distribute their album electronically.

Cloudmachine - Hum Of Life (2006) torrent

Give Cloudmachine a try, it might worth your time.

Picture source: http://www.cloudmachine.nl/#

I Wish I Had Met You Earlier

2009-12-13T10:32:00.007+08:00

"I wish I had met you earlier before all these experience ruined you. I want to see the old you."

These had been said by her. She read my blog old entry and she felt that I had changed alot thru my life experience. It just fair to be said that I changed for past years whether I like to admit it or not. In most significant way, I couldn't be the one that I was before - for better or for worse; cause I learned my lesson. I value each experience and indulge into it. I want to be different at that moment. I want to heal the pain. I do as what I deemed fit best; being tough emotionally.

She said, she want to see the soft of me, not the I-don't-care-much, tough of me. I have to admit that I lost the soft side of me long time ago, life experience toughen me up and she has to deal with it. Not that she's couldn't patient with my character now but to see a me whom she never see before would be the most wonderful gift she could get. Painfully, I also want the same thing. I want to get hold the old me. The one whom naive, the one whom love so hard make me cry so hard when love gone, the one whom so caring, the one whom worried so much, the one whom get jealous even by smallest thing.

I want to be vulnerable again. I want to be emotional again. I want to be jealous again. I want to be worried so much again.

I want that.

And I want to try to get it. I want to believe. Help me believe in this.

Though, she love me not even a bit less.

Cerpen #1: Adik

2009-12-06T18:52:00.002+08:00

Tuk.

Satu ketuk. Usai satu ketuk. Adik naik tangga lompat sampai atas rumah. Lompat lompat. Emak semai bunga, tanam puding, tanam kekwa, tanam bunga kertas. Adik suka bunga. Matahari sangat panas. Emak nampak panas. Abang tak pulang lagi. Adik suka abang, abang suka belikan adik kuih kacang rapuh. Kacang tumbuk balut kertas, adik panggil kacang rapuh. Abang ajar adik ABC, abang ajar adik kira 123.

"Adik, ambik kan emak air. Emak haus ni." jerit emak dari bawah.

"Baik mak." Adik lari-lari. Adik berhenti sebab adik ingat pesan emak, jangan berlari dalam rumah, nanti jatuh. Adik berjalan mengjingkit, adik tak mahu berlari. Adik ambil kole atas para sebelah sinki. Adik pasang air paip, adik tengok air warna putih berkeladak keluar. Emak bilang, air berkedalak ni banyak klorin. Adik pun tak tahu apa tu klorin cuma mak pesan, jangan minum air paip sebab klorin bahaya. Nanti gigi adik rosak sebab klorin makan gigi adik. Adik tak dapat bayang macam mana Klorin makan gigi adik, adik takut bila adik fikir macam tu.

Adik isi air dari kendi buntut hitam atas para sebelah sinki tu. Air jernih keluar, mak pesan adik cuma boleh minum air dari kendi. Tapi adik pernah tengok abang minum air paip waktu semua orang tak makan waktu siang. Adik tak faham kenapa orang tak makan siang cuma adik sorang je makan. Mak kata adik kecil lagi jadi Tuhan bagi adik makan sebab Tuhan kesian tengok adik kurus.

"Adik..mana air mak ni. Ko ni ambik air ke buat air?" Adik tersedar bila dengar suara emak jerit dari bawah rumah. Cepat-cepat adik bawa kole air dekat emak. Emak dah ada kat pangkin belakang rumah. Adik pusing pergi ke pangkin. Emak berpeluh, emak duduk kesat peluh kat dahi. Muka emak jadi merah, macam muka emak tengah marah. Adik takut nak pergi dekat dengan emak.

"Adik, mak ada kat sini. Cepat bawakan air tu. Mak haus sgt ni."

Adik datang dekat emak dan bagi air dekat emak. Adik pelik kenapa emak tak marah. Biasanya kalau muka emak merah, mesti adik kena marah. Macam masa emak pukul abang dengan kayu sebab abang minum air paip tu, emak pukul abang setengah mati. Macam juga masa emak main baling-baling pinggan dengan abah macam adik main-main baling pasir dengan Atin, anak jiran sebelah. Adik suka kalau emak tak marah sebab kalau emak marah, adik mesti kena bahan dengan emak. Adik tak suka kena bahan sebab sakit sangat.

Adik ingat adik kena bahan teruk bila adik tanya pada emak kenapa abah dah tak duduk dengan emak, adik dan abang. Emak bahan adik dengan penyangkut baju, dengan tali pinggang sampai adik tak boleh jalan seminggu. Kesian kat Atin sebab Atin tak boleh nak main dengan adik seminggu tu. Emak menangis masa tu, adik ingat sangat masa tu. Emak minta maaf dengan adik, adik rasa pelik. Sepatutnya adik yang minta maaf sebab adik rasa emak tak sengaja bahan adik. Emak tengah lapar agaknya sebab emak cakap orang yang tengah lapar ni cepat marah. Adik percaya cakap emak sebab adik pernah tengok Atin kena pukul dengan abah Atin waktu tengah makan. Mungkin abah Atin lapar dan marah Atin makan lebih.

-------------------------------------------------------

"Emak, kita nak pergi sungai buat apa?" tanya adik pada emak.

"Emak ada pasang pukat semalam, mesti ada ikan-ikan lekat kat situ. Boleh mak masak tengah hari dengan malam ni. Kalau ada lebih, emak buatkan perkasam. Adik suka perkasam kan?" Emak cakap sambil pandang adik.

"Adik suka. Emak buat banyak-banyak ye." jawab adik.

Emak cuma senyum. Adik suka sangat perkasam yang emak buat. Ikan puyu perkasam goreng yang emak buat sangat sedap. Kecur liur adik bila bayangkan ikan perkasam yang emak akan buat. Adik boleh makan perkasam hari-hari. Adik sangat suka. Sampai di sungai, emak dengan adik jalan turun ikut alur air bila hujan untuk turun sampai tebing sungai. Dah berapa hari hujan, tanah licin, air sungai pula deras menderu. Emak pimpin tangan adik, takut-takut adik jatuh dalam sungai. Atas jeti buluh kecil yang emak bina, ada tersangkut hujung pukat yang emak pasang. Emak uraikan ikatan hujung pukat dan perlahan-lahan tarik pukat. Adik siap sedia dengan tali untuk emak cucuk-cucuk ingsang ikan. Adik tengok banyak sangat ikan di pukat, adik rasa mungkin ikan-ikan tersangkut sebab ikan-ikan tu tertidur bila hujan maka ramailah yang sangkut di pukat emak sebab dibawa arus deras sungai. Emak cekap cabut ikan puyu lebih kurang sebesar setengah tapak tangan adik. Adik hulur tali dan emak cucuk ingsang ikan tembus ikut mulut.

Yeay! Ada satu ikan puyu. Adik tengok ada ikan lampam, ikan keli, ikan macam belut dan ikan haruan lekat pada pukat emak. Emak tanggalkan satu-satu, adik tak sabar rasanya nak makan ikan-ikan tu. Rasa macam nak gigit-gigit je ikan tu. Emak pandang muka adik yang tengah kecur liur.

"Ish..tak senonoh betul anak dara ni, kecur liur tengok ikan mentah. Sabor ye, nanti balik rumah mak masakkan." Emak perli adik tapi adik buat tak tahu je.

"Emak, ikan puyu ada sekor je." Adik cakap kat emak.

"Takpe lah, kita masak je lah yang ni. Nanti kalau kita dapat banyak, mak buatkan perkasam puyu untuk adik." Emak sangat memahami adik. Emak ajak adik balik sebab matahari dah condong sikit ke barat. Emak tengok langit dah gelap, kejap lagi mesti hujan.

"Tapi mak, adik nak makan ikan puyu perkasam goreng." Adik rasa teringin sangat nak makan puyu perkasam goreng yang mak buat.

"Adik, kan emak dah cakap, lain kali lah. Ikan puyu kan ada sekor je. Kita tengok esok lusa pulak macam mana." Suara emak sedikit tinggi. Adik masih tak puas hati tapi adik tak berani nak cakap apa-apa. Adik takut emak bahan adik lagi.

Sampai dirumah, emak bawa ikan masuk dalam rumah dan letak dalam sinki. Emak siang ikan elok-elok dan simpan dalam peti sejuk. Adik tengok ikan puyu yang seekor tu, adik jadi sayu. Kenapa emak tak mahu buat puyu perkasam untuk adik? Emak cuci tangan dan pergi mandi. Usai mandi, mak naik atas rumah dan solat Zohor. Adik cuma perhatikan emak. Adik nekad nak buat perkasam juga dengan ikan puyu yang seekor tu. Adik pernah tengok emak sapu garam pada ikan puyu yang sudah disiang dan emak simpan ikan puyu tu dalam bekas yang berbau sangat busuk. Adik buka peti sejuk perlahan-lahan takut emak dengar. Adik ambil ikan puyu yang emak dah siang dan adik bawak atas para dekat sinki. Adik pergi dekat dapur gas dan cari garam. Adik ingat emak letak garam dalam bekas kaca atas para dekat dengan dapur. Bekas garam agak tinggi, adik cuba jengket dan ambil bekas garam. Adik pandang pada ikan puyu atas para dekat sinki. Alamak! Comel tengah gigit ikan puyu tu. Adik cuba nak halau Comel tapi adik tak sedar yang tangan adik dah pegang bekas garam.

Bunyi kaca terhempas ke lantai dan Comel berlari keluar ikut tingkap dapur bawa ikan puyu. Bekas kaca pecah, ikan puyu Comel bawa lari. Matilah adik macam ni, mesti emak bahan adik. Adik pusing belakang dan nampak wajah garang emak. Kecut perut adik tapi emak dah sambar batang penyapu.

"Kan aku dah cakap, kalau dah banyak ikan puyu nanti, kita buatlah perkasam. Degil! Anak bertuah sungguh! Kecik-kecik takmo mampus, kalau aku tahu lah....aku cekik-cekik kau dari kecil lagi!" Emak hayun dan libas adik dengan batang penyapu.

"Takmo emak, adik janji tak buat lagi. Adik janji mak." Adik teresak-esak. Tapi emak terus pukul adik.

"Sakit mak, adik takmo dah makan ikan perkasam. Adik janji mak. Sakit mak. Sakit." Adik merayu pada emak tapi emak masih pukul adik. Kaki adik, belakang adik, tangan adik, semuanya emak balun dengan batang penyapu.

"Ohhh...baru tau sakit ye. Aku dah cakap berkali-kali, ada kau nak faham, hah? Ada? Kau ingat aku ni tunggul kayu kat rumah ni? Kalau kau nak, kau pergi turun sungai sendiri carik ikan puyu kau tu." Emak akhirnya berhenti libas adik. Habis calar balar kaki adik, belakang adik ada tiga empat birat. Adik masih teresak-esak.

"Adik takmo dah mak. Adik takmo dah mak. Adik tak buat dah mak." Adik merayu dengan emak. Sedu sedan masih kedengaran. Emak masih marah.

"Dah. Senyap. Sekarang pergi ambil penyodok sampah dan bersihkan bekas garam ni. Kau ingat garam ni murah? Bukan bapak kau tu nak bagi duit, si tua kutuk ni jugak lah yang mencari duit." Emak masih lagi marah. Kali ini, abah pula jadi mangsa. Adik tak faham tapi adik tak berani nak tanya. Takut kena bahan lagi dengan emak.

Usai berkemas, adik disuruh emak pergi membeli garam di kedai runcit Pak Jusoh, sebelum simpang masuk ke kampung. Adik berlari ke kedai Pak Jusoh sebab takut emak bahan adik lagi. Emak nak memasak sebelum abang balik dari sekolah. Lebih kurang 5 minit, adik sampai di rumah temengah-mengah. Adik bagi pada emak garam dengan duit baki beli garam. Emak masih lagi mengomel-ngomel pasal adik pecahkan bekas garam dan ikan puyu pagi tadi. Adik teringat kata emak waktu emak bahan adik tadi. Adik senyap-senyap menyusup keluar.

Adik dah sampai tepi sungai. Adik tengok hujan mula turun, adik tahu sekejap lagi mesti arus deras dan ikan-ikan mesti hanyut ke pukat emak. Adik hati-hati turun alur air hujan. Adik dah sampai jeti buluh, adik buka ikatan pukat emak. Adik tarik perlahan-lahan pukat emak. Adik tengok tiada ikan lagi. Mungkin sekejap lagi bila hujan lebat. Adik letak balik pukat dan ikat kembali hujung pukat di jeti buluh. Adik dengar bunyi macam ada benda besar jatuh. Adik pandang dan muka adik pucat.

-------------------------------------------------------

Emak panggil-panggil nama adik sebab emak nak suruh adik pergi mandi. Sepanjang pagi adik bersama emak, adik berpeluh sakan.

"Adik! Adik! Ish...mana lah pulak perginya budak ni. Adik! Adik!" Emak jerit panggil nama adik. Emak naik atas rumah. Emak masuk bilik emak dan jenguk bawah katil dan dalam almari. Adik tiada. Biasanya itulah tempat adik suka menyorok dan main pondok-pondok. Emak masuk jenguk dalam bilik abang. Adik tiada. Emak masuk dalam bilik air, pangkin luar rumah, bawah rumah, adik tiada jugak. Emak rasa tidak sedap hati. Emak capai payung dan pergi rumah Atin. Emak tanya kalau-kalau Atin nampak adik. Atin cakap tiada. Emak berlari ke kedai Pak Jusoh, pun adik tiada. Emak pergi rumah Su Timah, Mak Minah, Adik Awang dengan Pak Long Omar tapi semua pun kata tidak nampak adik. Emak makin rasa tidak sedap hati. Emak berlari ke sungai. Emak kaku bila sampai di alur air hujan. Emak terjelepok dan payung yang dipegang dah jatuh. Emak dah jumpa adik.

Adik tersangkut di pukat emak macam ikan puyu, ikan lampam, ikan keli dan ikan haruan. Emak teringat ikan puyu. Emak teringat bekas garam. Emak teringat batang penyapu. Emak teringat Comel. Emak teringat puyu perkasam. Dalam hujan lebat, emak meraung sekuatnya. ADIK!!!!

-Sekian-

Link asal: http://www.kapasitor.net/ms/cerpen/post/1841

Socially Inept of Me

2009-12-01T19:02:00.003+08:00

I'm a socially inept person. I couldn't bring myself to any woman and start a conversation unless under 2 conditions: 1) it's about work, 2) i'm deeply in shit and need helps very badly.

Which brings to a point that, I hardly socialize. I socialize with myself most of the time or with my close friends which most of them are male species. At times, I think I'm a wonderful person and able to charm my way into people heart at times but my insecurities stops me from using it.

I found I'm always in awe seeing how people easily sparking up conversation with opposite gender not to mention; a complete stranger. They just could talk and the opposite gender just respond. Sometimes I found myself too much analyzing things and saying incomprehensible things like how weather changes and global warming just mere statistic - a conspiracy theory; not the kind of topic you would discuss over walking to the office or in the elevator, right?

Then I would just smiling like an idiot and that's it. I couldn't conjure conversation out of thin air like most people do, I'm not comfortable with stranger and I'm definitely the guy who try to avoid meeting casual friends in crowded place so I don't have to say hi to them.

I found that distinct lack of conversation skills affect me in most ways on how I convey my feeling to others. I would just sit back and let things gone by even if I can make amend to it, I would keep it buried inside me and just keep it to myself until the end of time.

But if people ask me being honest, I would be almost complete honest if they're close to me. And most of them offended by what I have to say about them.

Hrmmm...I wonder what's wrong with me. Did I do alright? Did I thinking too much? Did I?

Freaky or Cute Hotel?

2009-11-22T09:58:00.008+08:00

I'm off to Singapore on business trip. My 2 previous trips had been in disaster as I have so many things to do with very little time in hand; presentation package, not enough money, sickness etc. For this trip, things pretty much going well than 2 previous trips hence I have more relaxing time to snap pictures and getting around Singapore. My favorite place so far is Lucky Plaza. I planned to go to Mustaffa but too tired for another long trip to Mustaffa after having fun in Scotts Road. Went to ION Orchard, cool place with lots of branded stuff but for viewing only since too expensive for my pocket.

My hotel quite freaky but for some people, it's cute as hell.

The green door. The white wardrobe.
The pink shelves with minibar.
The workstation.The HD TV.The green wall.
The bathroom.
The wall behind the bed.
The 2 beds.The phone (freaking Nortel!).

Freaky ain't it? I found it's cozy to be in the room, the lighting definitely helps with tiredness all day long.

That's all, nothing much to tell as 40% occupied by works, 40% by sleep and another 10% by makan-makan. Just 10% for sight seeing.

Aku ingatkan kau dah lama kerja!

2009-11-12T22:25:00.002+08:00

Alkisah aku menghadiri mesyuarat di KL berkenaan satu sistem yang kompeni bakal digunapakai oleh seantero umat di bahagian Production Analyst. Disebabkan aku hadir waktu Ujian Penerimaan Pengguna di Kilang (UPPK) atau Factory Acceptance Testing dan orang lain tidak dapat hadir, terpaksa lah aku sorang-sorang menghadap Pengurus bahagian Operasi untuk diskusi pasal kerosakan sistem dan jugak strategi nak memaksa pembina sistem ni baiki tanpa sebarang kos.

Sampai je KLCC dah pukul 10 pagi tapi mengantuk tak hingat la, mana tak nya pukul 6 pagi aku dah bangun mandi, seterika baju dan bersiap2-siap nak pergi lapangan terbang Kerteh. Pukul 7 pagi bertolak, lebih kurang pukul 7.15 pagi sampai lapangan terbang dan terus check in. Kapal terbang berlepas pukul 8.00 pagi. Memang sangat letih sebab kena bangun awal, dah la aku ni dasar suka bangun lewat.

Sesampai je di KLCC, melantak untuk penuhkan perut. Lapar tu bukanlah satu halangan sangat cumanya aku tahu hari tu akan melalut dan sangat meletihkan maka amat afdal mengisi tembolok sebelum lalutan dan karutan bermula. Pukul 10.15 pagi masuk ke Menara 2, ambil lif angka genap dan fiiiyuuuuu....naik tingkat atas. Muka aku dah tak boleh nak senyum sebab mengantuk teramat. Orang tegur pun aku buat layan tak layan. Sampai tempat pengurus bahagian operasi tu, dia pulak tengah diskusi pasal perjalanan untuk satu lagi modul. Kali ni berkenaan UPPK untuk modul tu pulak. Sekali lagi meranduk pergi Singapura sebab pembina aplikasi ni dari Singapura. Duduk borak-borak dengan member lama, M. Duduk layan borak pasal macam-macam benda, almaklumlah hobi dah selari dengan si M ni. Pengurus tu panggil aku, maka kena la pergi tempat pengurus tu dan memulakan diskusi.

Diskusi pasal keadaan sistem dan modul tu, apa yang terjadi dan bagaimana kerosakkan semua ni boleh jadi. Cerita lah aku maka banyaklah istilah-istilah teknikal yang kebetulan dipelajari sewaktu proses menguji sistem tu aku belajar. Kalau setakat nak bercerita pasal teori secara ringkas, memang dah lepas sangat cuma kalau ditanya terlalu mendalam...mungkin kena tanya pada yang lebih pakar. Di celah-celah diskusi tu, ada la beberapa kali pengurus tu terganggu sikit pasal urusan perjalanan tu disebabkan oleh Pengurus Kanan bahagian operasi ni buat kecoh kenapa tak dapatkan tandatangan Pengarah untuk urusan ke luar negara ni.

Aku pun mencelah la bagitahu yang Singapura masih dikira sebagai penerbangan domestik maka tandatangan Pengurus Besar bahagian operasi sudah cukup.

"Ala Kak A, tanda tangan GM (General Manager) pun dah cukup. Singapore still consider as domestic flight. I used to work in Admin last time. But just for confirmation, perhaps you could check with BJ (staff aku dulu-dulu) on this."

Maka Kak A pun periksa la dengan BJ. Memang betul pun domestik maka tak perlu la buat memo semua tu. Selesai satu masalah.

Mr Z yang duduk sebelah aku ni pun tanya lah.

Mr Z:Kau ni semua benda kau tahu...sampai ticketing issue pun kau tahu. Kau dah berapa lama kerja?

Aku: Owh...aku dulu 2 tahun di KL, setahun di Kerteh. Jadi baru 3 tahun.

Mr Z: Seriosuly? Umur ko berapa? *Mr Z dah buat muka tak percaya*

Aku: 25 tahun ni. Join kompeni umur 22 tahun. *aku senyum*

Mr Z: Ish...ko biar benar. Aku ingatkan kau dah lama kerja! Mati-mati aku ingatkan kau dah 7 hingga 8 tahun dah kerja. *masih buat muka tak percaya*

Aku: Hehehe. takde la, bang (aku guna bang ni as sense of "bro")....aku tak kerja selama tu.

Mr Z: Then, camne ko tau macam-macam benda?

Aku: Part of the job, bang. Dah kena campak ke sana ke sini, aku turutkan je. Dah 2 kali tukar department, dari KL kena campak kat Kerteh. Macam-macam orang aku dah jumpa sebab dulu kerja kat Admin department. *aku sengih je*

Mr Z: So, kira hebatlah ko ni. Macam-macam tahu.

Aku: Tapi kepala pun dah naik beruban, asyik kerja je, hujung minggu pun di office....padahnya selalu la sakit-sakit, bang. Some price to pay. *aku cuma boleh sengih*

Hebat tu mungkin la hebat sebab tahu macam-macam tapi kalau dah hidup = kerja, maka hidup pun kurang bermakna.

Kesimpulan: Kerja rajin boleh tapi jangan sampai mudarat kesihatan. :)

Don't Die

2009-10-17T18:46:00.002+08:00

I'm one of blunt persona you would meet. By blunt means that sometimes I can be very straightforward bout things. SOMETIMES...not every time. Few days ago, a friend of mine want to drive back to KL and all i could say,

"Don't die eh."

He just laugh. My other friend just stunt. He mention that I should never said things like that. Cause it will have jinx.

"But we shouldn't believe in jinx."

After that, he said that words that I utter is doa. Then I reply....

"He definitely NOT die la then. I should said it another 39 times. ahahaha."

He quite speechless to explain to me except that he mentioned that our culture (by OUR, he refering to Malay directly and Asian generally) didn't approve such thing. Means that bad things like DIE and ACCIDENT should never be uttered by any person to any traveling people. It's should be part of greeting/farewell speech so to speak.

As this reminds me of Okuribito, a Japanese movie that I watched last time portraying death as taboo subject matter in Japanese community. Death in Japanese culture normally being handled by Burakumin; also called the Untouchable. It seems that Asian particularly have reservation towards taboo things such as death and sex which make it inappropriate to be spoken in public.

Clearly, I just don't get it. I just don't get it how could you said something like "Don't die" could be offensive. It's not like I'm calling name or cursing around, just mere "die" strung together in farewell speech. What's wrong with that? Did death taboo?

Yet, everybody dies. Funny eh?

Education to WWW

2009-10-08T22:41:00.003+08:00

WWW; the world wide web. Education required hence I would love to share bits and parts of it from...ironically, from the Internet itself.

Get yourself watch/download/rob/steal copies of The True Story of Internet.

Sample:

You could torrent it at here. Have fun and be knowledgeable bout the WWW. I feel obliged to share it, no other reason. Enjoy~

Why Rafa?

2009-10-08T00:25:00.003+08:00

Gosh you people. I mean, Rafa is the best we could get. Yeah, at times he didn;t make good call but he done so much more than any other great manager in modern era could do given small amount of money he did have and very unsupportive owner like Liverpool have.

Fergie win his first Premier League title after 7 years in reign, for the duration of 23 years, he only get 3 CL final and winning only 2 while Benitez in his 5th year in reign manage to secure 2 CL final and winning one in Istanbul. Fergie win his first FA cup in his 4th year, Benitez did it in his 3rd year AFTER winning CL in Istanbul.

If that's couldn't convince you enough, let's put it this way. Before Benitez; Liverpool struggle to get CL berth. With Benitez; automatic qualifications every year and 3 years in row finish at least quarter final.

Fergie being called the greatest managers of modern English football yet given in the same duration of time, Benitez excel him in so many way. (The bloody Mancs love their managers too much probably smirking at this). If we're about to sack Benitez, what made are we? Bloody Chavski? Sacking managers like changing diapers.

I'm not saying that Benitez is the most perfect manager in the whole Europe, in the whole world. But given what Liverpool have, the owners behaviours and how compassionate LFC fan could be, only Benitez could deliver everything we want on the plate. We need to have more faith in him as he managing this team. FYI, last season was the highest point ever score by LFC to finish in second place which means....everyone getting better and we're also getting better each season.

Can't we be more patience and trust that he made the right call? Heck, Benitez not even comparable to Houllier as Benitez progressed WAY BETTER than the French and deliver better results.

Just piece of my mind, the rest is up to you to decide whether Benitez is good enough for Liverpool. If he's not, then who would be good enough for Liverpool?

I can't believe I wrote quite longer than I should but pretty much this is my respond to a status updates containing link to Liverpool News. Yeah...footie again, folks.

This is what I signed up for

2009-09-13T22:53:00.002+08:00

Certain someone definitely understand this. Cause I elaborate it during our chit chat session last time. Speaking of which, I was madly and sorely missed her right now. Ok..nuff with love talk.

During the busy season, I manage to slip few things and ensure that it getting done. I reformat my PC for a start after Win32/Sality.en attack my PC. One hell of annoying virus. Hence the buying of Kapersky Anti Virus. Done. PC well protected. Case closed.

Managed to shopping along the busy bee line. Managed to buy Up Series, up to 49 UP. Yes, I bought it. Why not download it? First, it's an old series (since 1960s) which made the early series very very hard to find and downloadable. Second, too much hassle to find it in Malaysia. Owh..i bought it online btw. Managed to watch till 21 UP and yet to finish the whole series.

And...

Special announcement to Said & Narulle, Osen for full season (episode 6 and above) available in hardsubbed. Subbed by [Nya] fansub. Go download it here: Osen Hardsubbed [Nya]. Untuk kesejahteraan proses memuatturun video berkenaan, adalah disarankan mengambil turun video beresolusi 640X360. Almaklumlah, internet pun suka main chipsmore lately ni. :)

Cause we think that we're similar

2009-09-06T12:59:00.002+08:00

Why people argue with each other?

Cause we think that we're similar. We think that we similar hence we should understand each other. But when there are difference between us, we get irritated. Why? Cause we think that we're similar. *repeat loop*

You could see these everywhere. People think that just because you share common things i.e: destiny, destination and goal in life, you should use the same road to reach there. Always, there are thousands way to reach your destination and you could decide it on your own which one you should use.

With regards 1Malaysia, realization and solution to both destination because of people think that they're similar. 1Malaysia; you could argue that it just a political propaganda if you wish to but let take the destination as plain honesty to see one Malaysia to be a reality, lots of friction amongst different ethnics that will eventually collide with each other. Given current condition, 1Malaysia seems impossible. In order to lessen the friction amongst different ethnics, we shouldn't think that we're similar. So, should we look our difference? Nope, just because we're monotheist, it doesn't mean we have the right to claim polytheists to be blasphemous. We should find the similar ground that we could stand without ever forgetting our differences. We're similar but not copycat. We might share common values, destination and destiny but we use different path to reach it.

Malaysia and Indonesia also in the same plate. We're similar, almost a copycat but after all, we're 2 different persona. We're so similar, we couldn't exist without hurting each other. We share same root and we want to reach same destination but the path had differentiate us so much that we couldn't stand each other. I would like to think that it could be easily solved but what make things couldn't be solved because lots of emotion been thrown in by people around the issue which make it more complicated than ever to solve it. Emotion putting the issue in rather more difficult situation, more thread, mud, Molotov cocktail, crap, shit, chicken, fire, water, wind blend into the issue which building up the issue to be bigger than it should. If we could hold the emotion up, we could easily sorted it out.

I have nothing to say with regards the issue as I could see both parties are at fault no matter how you said it.

I Just Don't Understand Rafa

2009-08-25T11:48:00.004+08:00

It had been a while. It had been a busy month, budget submission stuff piling up. Though, I will not miss any EPL game (hopefully).

Talking about yesterday game (versus Aston Villa), Rafa have to choose Lucas Leiva instead of Riera. I just don't get it. Lucas is far inconsistent compare to Riera and if Riera gone to the left flank, Rafa could just push Benayoun to support behind Gerrard. To actually subtitute Lucas with Voronin was utterly bullshit. Voronin is an average player and since he had been missing for loan spell outside Anfield, you need someone who have better chemistery with the team; Riera. Gerrard would be done with less midfield role if Benayoun and Kuyt and Mashcerano could cover the midfield area. Mascherano does play good game and heck, he much better than Lucas. I still don't get what's in Rafa's mind to put Lucas there.

I'm pretty dissapointed with Rafa's choice but I have faith in him as a manager. And to think of that it's still early of this season, maybe I should relax abit and let the Reds cruise through this season. It's still early to decide on things cause it's just third game of the season, the season still have 35 games to go. Yes, still long way to go.

Owh...i got something to add into my LFC collections.

The New LFC European Kit & 08/09 Review

Another updates, gone to Pontian to see her. Yes, she's mine. We went to some great adventure and I miss her sorely now. Love her, yes, love her. Pray for the happiness stay for longest ever.

Ciao~

Serenity: For The Love of Peace

2009-07-09T13:50:00.004+08:00

Have you ever look at someone face and feel serene?

It's almost like a blood rush to the head, distorting feeling but in pleasant manner. A rude awakening which inviting your inner feeling to dip in and you can't help to be peace with yourself.

And you think you feel something else. Something which make your eyes couldn't let go of watching that someone.

For a moment, you think you find love at first sight. You madly, deeply and crazily in love. You even convinced that that someone will be the one.

But, a disruption erupted (just like the one happened right now). You finally took your eyes of that someone. You flip over new pages of your life, you move one. Life goes on for what it takes, you gone through alot.

And when life couldn't be easy and throwing not only kitchen sink but the whole stove, cabinets and everything, you see that someone face again. Faster than a blink of eyes, your pain gone....a warm feeling seep through your vain. The rush, the distorted feeling came back! You're in heaven. You're at peace with yourself again. Now, even a big monster truck run over you, you'll feel nothing. You're genuinely euphoric!

You feel like holding it longer, but as experience and life thought you, the most beautiful thing is the most fragile thing. You weeping inside, like no other major crybaby ever did. Your selfishness struck a chord with your possessive instinct. NO, I DON'T WANT TO LET GO! PLEASE DON'T!

Then suddenly reality check-in your brain box. That someone face changed! That someone face no longer the face you used to feel serene. Was that delusion? Was I robbed of my sense?

You realize that you want to hold on longer to the feeling, not the face. You want to feel peace with yourself, to get excited over the love at first sight again (delusional...very delusional) and the euphoria!

Love....for once again showered your dry, forsaken heart wonderland! For that an instant of spark change you again. You want to believe that you could feel it again. I could change, I could be loved.

Have you feel like this lately?

Have Some Decency

2009-07-06T22:18:00.003+08:00

Facebook! Where should I start?

Fair enough, most people have a Facebook account or at least heard about Facebook. A social networking which currently upward trend in replacing other social network such as Friendster and MySpace. Facebook is the IN thing that for some social network virgin addicted to it like how I used to addict to bulletin board namely Grapevine. Or how few of my friends addicted to DoTA and Counter Strike which prove fatal to their academic performance and/or love life.

There are nothing wrong with addiction, everyone of us have our own addiction but you need to know where to draw the line. If you're addicted to tobacco, know that you shouldn't push others to inhale the ciggie smoke with you. If you're addicted to liqour, just consume it on your own and don't push it into somebody throat. There are fine line between good and evil; stop flirting with it.

And if you're so happen to addicted to Facebook, its quizes or its games, have some decency to stop updating your page like every 15 minutes. Especially when people know that you're supposed to be working your ass for your salary. I don't mind occasional update especially during lunch hour or after office hour (though it's still not right but it's tolerable to say the least). When I received 30 plus notifications especially from my friends who supposed to work yet have their facebook games updated almost every hour, it's rather rub me the wrong way.

Yes, I know you hate your work or demotivated just to be at work but for some dignity that might still left behind in yourself, stop showing that you're so carefree and didn't care about work. Yes, you hate the job and everybody knows it but enough of that. Do something that worthy your salary the least you could do. Have some decency to show that you're getting paid to work not to facebook every single hour.

Yes, most of the time; I do hate my job. But right now, I mostly feel indifferent. I do it because I getting paid for it and I feel responsible to show where I should land myself at. I don't expect highly of myself to excel but I do enough for people to recognize that I have done something what qualify me to get paid every month end.

If that doesn't work for you, just be reminded that there are eyes watching what you do at Facebook especially with Facebook could update ALL your friends what you're up to. It might get back to you someday if you don't carefully watch what you're doing at Facebook. It might be used against you, someday.

Otherwise, God bless you. :)

A Letter To 16 Years Old Me

2009-07-02T07:29:00.002+08:00

Ideas from Sue and Dils.

=======================================================

Dear Dueng,

This is the year that you should cherish the most, for this is the best year in your high school years. Remember that PMR which you excel in it? Don't get blown away by it, trust me, it's nothing comparable to what you going to endure in future.

You probably nervous to choose between Pure Science or Technical stream, don't be worried. The sign that you're a Pure Science stream student had been given last year. Remember that Kemahiran Hidup class and your plan drawing was messy due to your sweaty hand? This year going to be a year of clarity, you'll get the clear picture of what you want in your life so don't waste the moment. If you feel the urge to do something good academically, it's worth every single impulse decision that you'll made.

Chemistery will be your forte though it's finally crush you in university. Add Math was always the bore of the year, just hanging there. An F is not uncommon, eh? Physics however have some love-hate attraction, the subject was a bore however the teacher is a must dealt with. Don't worry, she will toned down alot next year. Opsss..yes, 2 years under her but trust me, it worth every moment with her. It speaks alot about how people change due to something important to them and take a good lesson on it. Modern Math is a bonus for you since she's really your favorite kind. You dig her attitude but keep your hand to yourself, eh.

You must be feeling rebellious and feel that nobody could understand you. Just keep your mouth shut in front of the family, it helps alot with lessen the friction in your relationship. Well, the relationship definitely improve from past year but yeah, you know the drill during Ramadhan. It's so funny though at the moment, it will annoy you the hell out of you. Just endure it.

Lots of new faces come in and you feel the rush to get know them. Go for it though it would be damn awkward and will create lots of wild gossip. Otherwise, it will affect you for a very long time...even now. Love is your renewed and strengthen forte, though it will not work out that well. You'll have your moment though your shyness keep you from keep it up there. Don't worry, you'll learn the hard way to overcome that though she was brilliant, isn't she? She just too cute for you to resist and you spend your day and night dreaming bout her. Hopeless romantic but yeah, you're just 16 so i guess, it's allowed.

People around you will be mean to you by calling you names. Though you ignore it but deep down inside, you hate them for that. I know how you feel but remember that those people didn't worth it. Someday, you'll meet people who appreciate you and cherish you and respect you as you deserved it. Those people will make you feel comfortable in your own skin and you appreciate them for doing that for you. These people around you, right now, is not worth your value. Let it pass by but remind yourself not to mingle around with these kind of crowd if you have options not to. People who calling you names and treat yourself like some dumb shit wasn't a good crowd to begin with. You mature earlier than them hence why their childishness irritate you the most. Though sometimes you enjoy it (after all, you just a kid; i know you mad at me for saying these words but the fact is, you're still a kid), you hate them the most. You hate the wild gossip, you hate the name calling, you hate how childish they could be and it's suffocate you out of your social life which unrepairable till today.

Anyway, enjoy life as it goes as I trust you to make the right call. You'll have no regret academically but yeah, it's rather weird and challenging year in your social life. Next year, it's going to be a nice ride though the final outcome wasn't the best but you'll thanks yourself for screwing up few things especially that Biology SPM paper. Your impulse decision on academic help you alot next year hence put less stress in you for getting good results. Though, I hope you could put more effort in Add Math, it's not like you're going to listen to me anyway. I also have no regret over how it turns out but yeah, a little more A's would be nice, eh?

Owh....I almost forgot. Enjoy yourself in 3 on 3 basketball tournament, you'll have the hell of your youth there and don't hold back for what you think is right at the moment. It's so candid and hillarous, you need to wait for it. Practice your 2 point shoot, it's worth it.

Lastly, for whatever you think to improve yourself; to benchmark yourself against yourself, you do the right thing. You could only get better than your old self and it's the talking point of most people who succeed in their life. Though, your life wasn't that glittering with success, you'll satisfied with what you have done. You're matured alot for a 16 years old though nobody could see it but it's ok. These crowd didn't worth it except for some people.

Enjoy life, I know you will!

Perhentian Trip

2009-07-02T00:19:00.007+08:00

Off I gone to Perhentian Island last weekend (weekend + Sunday). The conclusion is the trip was damn nice. The place was good, the activities was great (and lots of juicy gossip and questions - gosh, these lots could be a good tabloid reporters), and the companies keep you entertaining, laughing mad like hyenas. I mean it!

All in all, the best trip to date and yeah, it's worth the sun burn, the money, the sweat, the tiredness, the hot blazing sun, the headache after that, the insufficient rest and the everything negative about one could imagine while going back from a vacation.

Thursday night & Friday morning

4 cars moved from KL to Kertih to meet me and Said. Moved from Gombak at 11.25 p.m. and reach Kertih by 2.30 a.m. Make a move to McD Kertih where we have dinfast (dinner + breakfast). Boy, it's so havoc though most of us sleepy.

McD Kertih - Dinfast

Make our move to KT by 3.30 a.m. Friday and reach Stesen Bas KT by 6.00 a.m. Waiting for Unid who boarding bus from Kedah. By 7.00 a.m., we moved to Jeti Kuala Besut. Reaching Jeti Kuala Besut by 8.35 a.m. and our boat rescheduled to 9.30 a.m. The boat finally arrive at 11.30 a.m. due to some circumstances. Everybody was so freaking pissed though the vacation mode revive once the boat moved. It's a super fast boat and we reach Pulau Perhentian Besar in 30 minutes time.

Our chalet during high tide - Mama's Chalet & Restaurant

The water was crystal blue and it was high tide during our arrival. The sight was magnificient and suddenly all hassle, blazing sun and insufficient sleep blown away by sea breeze. Everybody was on their toes, couldn't wait to jump into the sea.

Arrival commemorative picture!

As usual, these lots take lots of pictures. Flashes all around, feel like celebrity. Hahaha. Commemorative arrival picture in front of the chalet and few others self pictures. After check in, some of these lots getting some sleep while others impatiently make a move to the beach. Who could resist those crystal blue water? Count me in!

After some ice breaking session (I would say ice drowning session) and some intimate face-to-face sharing session, we bid goodnight at almost 1 a.m.

Saturday

Started the day with eye bag and some boat leg. Though, the lots couldn't hide their excitement. Snorkelling trip around island was the most awaited activity of all. Couldn't say more except we manage to catch a glimpse of alive, in-the-water sea turtle, sharks and tons of underwater pictures.

The swimming turtle

The best underwater shot!

After the snorkeling session ended, we catch a bath at fresh water basin which so cold and refreshing given the hot sun. As usual, more pictures. The water was damn cold, you couldn't believe how much different from the hot sea water that we had been for the past few hours.

Fresh water basin!

After that, we went back to chalet. Some of us catching up with the sleep while another bunch going out to nearby beach to experience more snorkeling experience. I take one hour kayaking session halfway trip around the island. When the sunset approaches, we snap few pictures which so typical of a trip like this. Yeah, the silhouette photo. I personally like the shot cause the challenge to put 7 different shapes into 1 frame!

THE TYPICAL TRIP Photo Version 1.0

Nice purplish sky. I couldn't resist from liking it. Another chit chat session at the night and the boys was having fun teasing around the girls, laughing like hyenas and nearly get stomach cramp from excessive laughter.

Sunday

The morning starts with breakfast then THE TYPICAL TRIP Photo Version 2.0. Yes, the jumping photo. I like it too though not everybody in the frame.

Before THE TYPICAL TRIP Photo Version 2.0

THE TYPICAL TRIP Photo Version 2.0

2 cars need to go back as we don't plan to extend the trip to Monday. My car included in those 2 who went back on Sunday.

Arrived at Jeti Kuala Besut at 12.30 noon. Bought lots of goodies before having our lunch in a restaurant nearby beach area, accompanied by sea breeze. I didn't realize that we have another company who are Yusry KRU. The girls giggling around, exciting to realize it.

Lunch + Sea Breeze + Yusry KRU = TOTAL BLISS

Finished up with lunch, we moved to KT to drop Unid at Stesen Bas KT while Ben's car moved straight to KL. Arrived at Kertih by 7.30 p.m.

Participants: Yong (Project Manager), Yoda (Vice Project Manager), Anon, Wear, Zye, Faten, A'a, Syifaak, Unid, Said, Rozie, Adek, Munir, Ben, Gomok & Dueng.

Major thanks to Yong & Yoda for making this trip a successful one and a meaningful one. Thanks to all photographers for the beautiful high quality pictures, underwater pictures, candid pictures, laugh catalyst pictures, beautiful scenery pictures, beautiful ladies pictures. Thanks to all participants who are so friendly and make nobody isolated during the whole trip though sometimes the situation could get out of hand due to extra-frendliness of some boys (:P), to the girls who are sporting enough to layan the boys jokes and the boys to crack lots of joke which make all of us laughing like madmen.

All in all, I love the trip and hope we could have some other trip better or match this! Thanks lots!

Credit images in this entry: Ben & Syifaak.

p/s: More pictures in FB, don't hesitate to browse through. :)

Of Books

2009-06-11T01:04:00.005+08:00

Got 3 new books. Actually, there are more books that i purchased lately but 3 in particular special to me.

An Anfield Anthology
Written by Paul Tomkins, an ex-semi-pro-turn-to-be-writer provide insight on modern football works and how much current modern football managers under pressure. Of course, it's about Rafael Benitez though there are also about the game itself, the new stadium, the KOP hero and lots of things. Well written in my opinion with balanced view from both managers and fans POV. I'm glad i bought this book really, it has really good substance in it.

How Starbucks Saved My Life
This book is about one man struggle to reboot his life but it's more than just memoir of a man but rather a good lesson on diversity, perception, positive energy and man management. Moments where you could almost shed your tears, a great book though there are times whereby the story get quite draggy especially on flashback parts. I have no complaints as it provide avenue to compare and contrast the author life journey from riches to rags.

The Winner Stands Alone
Present from loved one, yet to read it since I'm too keen to finish the first 2 books. Look like interesting, I also have 3 books written by Paulo Coelho which could keep me busy for months. Hope to be able to read it soon.

Iris Simpkins said

2009-06-02T15:08:00.001+08:00

Iris Simpkins:
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

from The Holiday.

Absolute heart wrenching!

Reminisce of The First Love

2009-05-31T23:59:00.002+08:00

Attending my friend wedding in Seremban, just back from rushing thru rainy Gombak and an accident near R&R Temerloh. stuck for both occasions for more than 2 hours.

Attending my friend wedding reminds me of my first love and failed relationship that followed through after that.

I truly fell in love with this quite pious girl after few crushes to other girl during secondary school. she was cheeky yet humble and carry herself with grace. she was not the most beautiful thing i ever saw but she was a friendly persona.

I on the other hand was anti-social, no confidence, overweight and overly caring. well, i'm kinda a late bloomer so to speak.

The relationship wasn't as what i experienced after that. we never date, we never holding hand (still never holding hand) and never really talk to each other due to my nervousness to talk to her (still have darah gemuruh to talk to any woman even now). But weirdly, the relationship remains intact for quite a while. after one incident, i just gone quietly from her life. rather cruel but confrontation wasn't my strong point then.

From what i could conclude, i should change myself to be more likeable. I begin to mix around a little, having more courage to talk to other people, and still overweight. however, as i went further in few relationship afterward, i realize that i become more social, more courageous, still overweight but i'm losing my faith in women.

I used to be the kind who deeply cared about others to a point whereby i couldn't sleep thinking about other people problem. friends and loved one. right now, I could tell loved one that i trust her but i dunno whether i really trust her or i don't bother to worry bout her. i said to her the first but in my mind thinking about the later.

After the first love, i realize that honesty just don't paid off. Telling what you honestly feel don't work too well with people. Hence now, i lie a lot. when i said alot, i mean alot. not big stuff or life changing stuff but yeah, things could be worse with my honesty on the line.

Also, i realize that i no longer could fall in love as I want to be. I think when i couldn't worry about others (hence care bout them) and couldn't be honest as i wish, it's hard to really love someone after half-dozen failure in my list. Through every failure, i learn that it's not worth it to spend all your heart to one source. Though with each failure, pieces of my heart never gone back. Taken away from me by those failed love.

I been on love hiatus for a while, thinking bout what happen to me and love?

I think i already figure it out. And it wasn't a pleasant answer for somebody.

I just couldn't bother to love anyone. Did i try to change? Yes i did but i'm high sedated by love failure. I'm a highly sensitive person though i might not look like one. Right now, those sensitivity just didn't work anymore. I just couldn't be bother.

Sorry.

Angels & Demons

2009-05-24T21:13:00.002+08:00

Frankly, go to hell this movie. Fucking dissapointed sial aku tengok cerita ni. For those who read the book, this movie totally a let down. I couldn't help the fact that they make The Da Vinci Code adaptation so well (despite few scene and character change) which mimicking the book quite well though not 100%.

Spoiler alert!

Why I am mad with Angels & Demons movie:

1) No Maximillan Kohler. Nevermind since his character which contribute to advancement of the plot replace by head of Swiss Guard. Though the Kohler character makes the suspicion over his character that intend to destroy the church eliminate possibilities of audience to suspect the carmerlengo as the culprit.

2) No relation between the dead pope with his carmerlengo. This is the most raging point which make me cursing all around. The deletion of this part sees the relation of carmerlengo and the pope as maternal parent-children which brought up bittersweet ending make the carmerlengo motive totally disconnected and lame. In The Da Vinci Code, Robert Langdon choose not to reveal the heir of Jesus Christ though he knows who she is which leads to bittersweet ending as it supposed to be the character of the story.

3) No big, moving speech in front of TV upon breach of conclave. This is another turning point in the movie which create more red herring for the carmerlengo character which totally make audience suprised with the ending revelation. Not to mention, the carmerlengo eventually being elected by College of Cardinal as pope during his heroic act saving the church.

4) No Illuminati Diamond which comprise of 4 Illuminati elements in one print. This is totally absurd! I totally dissapointed cause i really want to see the print make into live stamp. The art value just gone for 30%.

5) The Selector supposed to be selected as the pope instead of one preferti saved by Langdon. More drama as all preferti killed and no one could be the pope except forcing the Selector to resign his post and be selected for the post. another 3 points deduction for dramatic value!

Gah...i'm pissed really. Go to hell, Angels & Demons.

The running gag

2009-05-03T19:43:00.004+08:00

Off we gone to watching firefly (kelip-kelip@kunang-kunang) at Yak Yah River, near Ibok. The tourist guide had been talking lots with regards of firefly that we watched which went to become a running gag that nite:

Tourist Guide (TG): Firefly only could live for 10 days. They have enzime bla bla bla.......
A: Hrmm....i know what kind of profession most profitable for firefly?
B: What?
A: Funeral services.
B, C & D: Hahahahahahaha.
After that, C then intervene.
C: But again, it must tiring to cry over death since lots of them going to die quickly.
A: Hahaha. yeah, must be damn tiring if you have every seconds got another firefly dead.

Who said death ain't funny?

Details of the activity could be read here: Of Kelip-kelip & Penyu Bertelur.

THIS IS A BIMBO POST

2009-04-27T22:07:00.006+08:00

Don't say i didn't warn you!

Owe Adek on this. Yeah, kinda occupied lately. Nope, it's not personal thing. Ah..yes, it's about work.

SO, here goes my NEW workstation look like. Just move to new place few weeks after transfer to Kerteh.

"My life"

My laptop and my messy stationary there. My life = my work = my laptop. Easy? Few key chains from some friends going here and there. The phone really easy to use but i'm still a stupid when it comes to call transfer.

"Miserable for Life"

There are list of names for people whom constantly being put under tremendous stress by me written on the white board. More magnets from friends going here and there. Tons of papers and documents neatly (neat ke?) stack. You probably could see my old, rusty bagpack and bunch of files.

"History is so overrated"

Those neatly (again, neat ke?) files stack are historical works done by previous owner and still valid for my reference considering still learning hard on this job. Back side on my workstation, against the wall so pretty much i need to turn my back to pick up all those historical files. Rules of keeping your place neat is to put less important but frequent documents within reach but at the back room. some tips from me. =)

"Current business landscape"

This is pile of documents, notebook, files, calculator and quick reference material beside my lappy. The pin up list is my department contact list, quick reference since I easily forget my department staff contact number. Also, take note of the Liverpool FC plat. True KOPite!

I love my workstation cause it's at the end of the office, against the wall so pretty much a good hideout.

Stupid Things

2009-04-27T21:43:00.002+08:00

I do stupid things like getting bored over something that I once really into. If you asked me why, I don't have the answer why but that's just me. I'm easily bored over things. Yes, even those things.

It's hard to understand but even I also don't have explanation for that.

when men say the darndest thing

2009-04-16T22:19:00.003+08:00

Conversation #1
A: Eh..member aku nak kahwin kat Putrajaya next month.
B: Owh, ko nak gi halang ke?
A: Ceh, takde la.
B: Aku tau, nanti ko mesti pergi cakap, "JANGAN~~!!!". Orang mesti fikir ko nak halang perempuan tu tapi ko mesti cakap "Lelaki tu aku punya~!"
C&D: Hahahahhaha.
A: Siot je!

Conversation #2
B: Ko buat la teambuilding kat Mandarin Oriental. Boleh buat "shopping" as teambuilding activities. Budget la RM 10K sorang ke.
C: Ok jugak tu. Aku buat main teka perfume. Nak menang kena ajak korang lah.
D: Macam kompeni bagi je. Ceh!

I have entertaining friends.

Jap & Puppy

2009-04-13T00:43:00.002+08:00

About dogs and japanese rock songs. IN DEEP LOVE with this 2 songs. Awesome songs from TOKIO and Orange Range. Also from YUI, she had been brilliant with her music. Awesomeness!

Curry Statement

2009-04-04T08:57:00.005+08:00

Ever eat good food recommended by others and still have little bad taste out of it?

For me, that's always the case. I always have thing to say about food that i ate, given it's good or bad. Most of the time is suggestion or "complaint". Sometimes and a very rare sometimes it was, a compliment. I'm that picky over food that i ate but i ate it anyway.

My food hunting in Kerteh had been a journey, the seafood is luxurious, cheap and tasty. But yesterday i found a new place where rather unfit the image of Kerteh. I (well, my friend and i) found a place to eat exceptionally good curry.

Always, a good curry taste good because of the fish, meat or chicken in it rather than the curry itself standing up to make its statement. This place serve curry dish that the curry powerful enough to make a bold statement on its own. A curry that deliciously make you crave for more eventhough your stomach screaming out loud for no more food. Like i said, it's a rather unusual place like Kerteh to find a good curry place.

The curry is rather simple presentation in white porcelain bowl. The curry contains of kacang panjang, tomato, 2 block of fish slice, eggplant and sour mango. For the spice, they use jintan manis, jintan putih, biji sawi, daun kari, curry powder, and coconut milk.

What makes the curry is perfect because it's not overly spicy with a touch of sweetness. We order kailan ikan masin and telur dadar together with 2 plate of rice.

This picture couldn't do justice to the curry!

My stomach growling again! Off to get some good food. =)

Weapon of Mass Destruction Recipe: 2 plate of rice, 1 plate of kailan ikan masin, 1 plate of telur dadar, 1 bowl of massively delicious curry, 1 glass of fresh orange, 1 glass of limau ais.
Total Damage: RM 23.70 + my stomach screaming for no more food

Jap Jap Jap

2009-04-01T21:40:00.004+08:00

a conversation starts with this:

M: Bro, apa lagi bandar lain selain Tokyo kat Jepun?
Dueng: Uish. Byk kot. Metropolitan Tokyo tu consist of 3 major city. Tokyo, Saitama dgn bandar apa ntah satu lagi. Tokyo famous dgn Roponggi Hill, Shinjuku, Shibuya.
M: Owh, bandar apa yang famous?
Dueng: Uish...banyak je. ada Saitama, Kyoto, Kobe, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Okinawa, Osaka, Yokohama. Banyak kot bandar kat jepun tu.
Dueng: bandar cam Okinawa tu jauh sikit dari kepulauan utama jepun, kat situ banyak rock band datang. Derang banyak pengaruh amerika sebab kat situ ada military base America.
M: bro, aku tanya nama bandar je. Nak letak nama bandar Travian ni. Adeh la.
Dueng: Loh...carried away doo.

Duh. Did I get carried away? Sabor je la kalau nak dengar explanation aku. I think it's part of my trait that I tend to explain things as much as i could which most people find bothersome. Yeah, letih ye mendengar especially bagi manusia tak sabar. I willing to explain things but if someone rush me, i could just give the answer straight away but most of the time they will come back to me for explanation and i will do some "lasering". hahahaha. sape suruh takmo dengar?

another conversation take place:

L: Ko rasa perempuan Jepun cute ke?
Dueng: The cutest you could find loh.
L: Apa yang cutenye dengan sore cam parrot, sengau plak tu. Dah la muka sama je semua. Gaya pelik2. Dah la gaya budak-budak.
Dueng: your point being?
L: cam takde bangsa lain je yang ko nak suka.
Dueng: I like japanese women sebab japanese know how to potray cuteness. and those kind of cuteness embedded in me.
L: hahahaha, gile lah.
Dueng: So what?
L: Nothing. Just weird. cam dah tak cukup perempuan melayu yang nak diminati.
Dueng: Aku nak kahwin dengan perempuan melayu jugak. Fantasi je dengan gadis jepun. Faham apa maksud fantasi? at least aku menyahut seruan kerajaan "dasar pandang ke timur". hahahaha.
L: ces!

Seriously folks, what so gross about me liking cute women like Japanese women? or me liking married cute women? Does it any rules saying that it's wrong to admire such cute creature? Not i'm doing any harm to anyone. Adeh la manusia manusia ni. just because someone is married and happen to be cute, i can't admire her? gah..stupid.

Owh, last conversation that i had previously:

P: Bro, ko faham ke maksud lagu jepun ni?
Dueng: sikit-sikit boleh la faham. Takde la semua sekali. sikit pun sikit sangat je.
P: Then puas ke ko dengar lagu derang?
Dueng: Why not?
P: yer la, tak faham maksud lirik, kureng sikit feel.
Dueng: hrmm...i don't think so.
P: Hrm...apsal plak gitu?
Dueng: Pernah dengar instrumental tak?
P: Pernah.
Dueng: Camtu jugak kalau ko dengar lagu yang ko tak faham, ko kena dengar apa yang music tu cuba cakap kat ko. Most of the time, it's the right things as you think it is.
P: Hrmmm....tapi leceh la.
Dueng: hehehe. that's why you need to listen with heart. eceh...berfalsampah la plak. hahahhaa.
Dueng: Cuba ko tengok visualization kat window media player, ada nama theme for each visualization kan? kalau ko tengok betul2 visualization tu, memang fit dengan theme and description derang.
P: hehehe. nanti aku try.

Music is universal language. You could understand what come your way just by giving a decent music a try. Yeah, except for some genre which you just couldn't get anything out of it. Also, it give you depth of culture and pattern of pronunciation in certain language. Well, pretty much you could understand some layer of some people culture by understanding their music. =)

Owh yes, it's all about Japan & Japanese. =)

p/s: What i define cute is as per list given: Otsuka Ai, Utada Hikaru, Matsuura Aya, Fujimoto Miki, Nagasawa Masami. Google their image and you'll get some idea what is cuteness. hehehe.

Saya Sokong Yahudi!

2009-03-31T19:16:00.002+08:00

lemas. sungguh aku lemas.

the thrill in the chase, never in the capture.
does the excitement gone?
does things become dull?
did my heart forgot how to feel?

sungguh
pada hati ini terpalit kesal
debu-debu keraguan
mungkin pada cinta sang hati
hanyut bersama masa

maaf,
biar jutaan kali terucap
tidak mengubat cuma
menambah garam cuka kepada luka

pada kasih berlumut
bernafas dalam lumpur
cuba kotakan
pada bait manis janji

and why the fuck i write this?
a fairy told me
stop lying you stupid

dan aku cuma geleng
aku bukan tipu
cuma benar itu tidak enak

entah. sampai bila?
mahu begini?
begini begitu begita bezita?
bodoh!
merapu? kerapu?
lapar~

sudah.

p/s: harus diwartakan "don't write and emo".

of high temperature

2009-03-29T20:51:00.002+08:00

Global warming, fever and anger.

All relates to high temperature. boiling point and breaking point.

so, it had been buzzing all around bout earth hour. seriously, i couldn't bother much bout it. i'm so not a big supporter of environmental thingy. i don't see a point where you think you could make a different by switching off the light while keep your aircond full blown? gah...doesn't make a different. don't get me wrong, i'm huge fans of small things which contribute to better things but my keyword here would be: CONTINUOSLY. if switching off your light for an hour make a powerful statement, does that powerful have follow through. i know most men have classic disease of not follow through but get it over really. macam melepaskan batuk di tangga. seriously, if you want make a different, be consistent. a raindrop could drown an empire if it keep it coming.

owh, btw i switch off my light last night but because it's so god damn hot. nak hujan tapi tak hujan, panas cam sial.

fever; been almost 4 years since my last great fever. when i say great fever, i mean a high temperature almost at 39 degree celcius and days of lying on bed with very little energy. not to mention i couldn't swallow, smell and look at anything with rice and/or chicken, fish, meat, spices. it puke induced. it's really bad condition and my room smell like sweat yet the fever hardly gone. 3 days lying on the bed and trying my hard to get out and buy something decent to eat. end up eating cream butter bread for last 3 days. the most tragic is i'm all alone. but don't worry, already back on my feet and running like the wind (and sweating like pigs after good running). i'm back!

the last about high temperature is anger. recently, few things had been trigger me hard (sound obscene eh?) and almost make me lose my cool. my siblings being utterly stupid and super annoying make me feel like smacking her. i rather not to enclose too much details but what happened really devastated me. i'm generally a cool persona with sometimes a bit easy to rub at wrong place depending my stomach condition or if i get not enough sleep so to get me really mad is a record really. with siblings, i'm cooler than anything, joking around and stuff. no bar hold for siblings in my book, but to some extent, things could get messy with my younger sister attitude. budak baru kenal dunia, rasa cam nak sepuk je. hish.

owh...if you wonder why i rant instead of posting something useful because there are no EPL last week. i'm utterly bored. owh..been on my feet for some good running, my heart almost explode. pancit sial dah lama tak berlari.

yeah, it's a boring post. hahahaha.

In Rafa We Trust!

2009-03-15T11:03:00.005+08:00

Remember this?

This make me almost screaming out of my lung!

The Reds might not win Premier League champion trophy but this is officially among the sweetest thing happen to me this year.

In Rafa We Trust!

Siapa Tuhan Kamu?

2009-03-10T19:39:00.002+08:00

Isu penggunaan perkataan "Allah" didalam Buku Suci Agama Kristian yang dicetak di dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Terus terang, aku tiada tentangan penggunaan "Allah" itu di dalam Buku Suci Agama Kristian yang dicetak didalam Bahasa Malaysia.

Dari segi bahasa Arab, Allah itu merujuk kepada perkataan "Tuhan yang Satu/Esa". Berasal dari bahasa Arab, perkataan Allah telah lama digunakan oleh agama-agama monotheist (kepercayaan kepada satu tuhan; Kristian dan Judaism) sebelum kedatangan Islam. Maka, jika Allah itu merujuk kepada 'Tuhan yang Satu" yakni Tuhan Agama Kristian, maka tiada soal kenapa "Allah" itu tidak boleh digunakan mereka. Lagi pula, sebelum Islam mereka telah menggunakan "Allah" merujuk kepada "Tuhan yang Satu/Esa".

Isu ini tidak lain dan tidak bukan cuma suatu salah faham, suatu kecelaruan hanya kerana bahasa. Tuhan itu memahami apa jua bahasa di dunia ini kerana Dia yang menciptakan dunia dan isinya. Kerana itu setiap perkara yang kamu perbuatkan mesti diikuti dengan niat; niat yang baik. Di dalam solat, kamu diwajibkan berniat untuk solat menyembah Tuhan yang Satu, perkara lafaz itu cuma sunat. Ini bermaksud sekiranya sekalipun kamu ini tidak dapat memahami bahasa Arab, tidak dapat bertutur dalam bahasa Arab, kamu juga masih dapat menganut Islam dengan niat yang betul dan tulus di hati. Kamu masih dapat solat, masih dapat puasa, masih dapat mengerjakan haji kerana yang penting itu pada niat kamu (dan perbuatan disertai dengan niat yang betul tu).

Dan yang terutama sekali, kamu tahu siapa Tuhan kamu. Siapa Tuhan yang kamu sembah dan percaya dengan seluruh hati kamu, bukan soal bahasa yang picisan. Adakah bila kamu berdoa di dalam Bahasa Malaysia, Tuhan itu tidak akan makbulkan doa kamu? Adakah bila kamu berdoa dalam Bahasa Inggeris, doa kamu akan lambat di makbulkan kerana kamu menggunakan bahasa penyokong Yahudi?

Bagi aku, adalah lebih baik jika kamu berdoa di dalam bahasa yang kamu fahami semoga apa yang kamu pohonkan lebih dekat di hati kamu. Yang paling tinggi kedudukannya di sisi Tuhan adalah orang yang paling bertakwa dan bersungguh-sungguh memohon kepadaNya. Kalau kamu berdoa tapi satu hapah tak faham lepas tu kutuk-kutuk tok imam baca doa lama-lama, baik kamu baca doa sendiri dengan perkataan kamu sendiri, dengan tulus ikhlas hati kamu sendiri.

Paling penting, bukankah kamu tahu siapa Tuhan kamu?

My Soft Spot

2009-03-02T22:31:00.002+08:00

I have few fetish/favorite things which I can't resist. Cute; married women, a good song synch with old memories, favorite tv show etc.

I especially have soft spot for one particular song: Canon in D by Johann Pachelbel. Before that, a "canon" is a melody that contains one or more imitations melodies played after a given duration. The original piece composed by Johann Pachelbel for violins hence explains why string instrument like piano and violins given the best sound to this piece.

I watched "My Sassy Girl" movie, korean version when i first encountered this song. Played by the heroine for her hero, it such a beautiful piece and resonant best with love story. It gives the impression of "tears of happiness" everytime i listen to this piece.

It's like a lackluster old memories that surface every now and then which reminds you that life is beautiful and great for once in your life. I feel like crying out loud but i just appreciate that the fact that i once achieve such happiness, i couldn't help myself from being happy. Tear rolling down my cheeks yet my heart budding with love (figuratively of course!).

I realize that things such as insignificant as a simple song could move men to tears, burn their spirit, putting sympathy into most coldest heart, breeding hatred, building patriotism and such. I have to agree that, the quickest and simplest form of poetry is in song, given its melody or lyrics.

Such simple yet beauty creation move the world. The right words, the right sound could resonate your heart and get you going!

Choose your words carefully and say it nicely, may you sweep somebody off their feet today!

Mem-babi-kan orang

2009-02-24T22:45:00.003+08:00

I love to curse. I admit it. As a matter of fact, I think I'm most comfortable when I'm chatting away with cursing words flowing down like waterfall.

I found lately that i curse alot while driving. i call it "mem-babi-kan orang" session. The beauty is i'm not only pig-ging people but also their attitude and their ride. I mean, what else you could call someone who drive on right lane but drive at 60km/h? maybe snails or something along the line, but i love more to make them pig. stupid pig. don't you get your license rightfully?

The thing about cursing is it's harsh, it's offensive yet you do no physical damage. it's beautiful fight really although some people take it to another level with high pitch voice and loads of tears. i like cynical tone voice of cursing exchanging between 2 people or more, it's so dramatic. it's like watching 2 unrelated people throwing at each other knives, mortar, grenade, atomic bombs and nuclear missile but doesn't heard each other. yet, when someone get their hands on their opponent, it looks so cowardy.

Everybody love to curse, you subconciously think about how much you hate somebody/something but people who are cursing just happened to have better vocabulary than you. LOLZ. If you're a real sleek cunt, you could make people offended in so many ways with so many words, you're my hero!

Even intellectual people with highbrow dignity/dick-nity cursed. owh..you don't believe me? they do it in hide. they don't want to be seen as a crude person. But sometimes they do it in public, in their writing and speech. But of course, they do it politely and wayyyyyy better vocab than a cheap "babi" can be thrown by one person to another person.

So in term of cursing, whether you're cheap slut or rich princess, you are entitled to curse. because in every human, there are small portion of hate. to something, to somebody, to the world, to the nature or to anything, you hate something or somebody.

owh...i think i already make meself justifyable to curse. hahahaha.

p/s: and yeah, i'm still busy. but i try to update as much as i can.

What I Found About Anal!

2009-02-12T19:29:00.003+08:00

*contain high dosage of profanity. watch the pedestrian and drive safely. *

Anal, anus, ass, arse, butt, buttock, booty, hump, bumper...fucking hell, we could give thousand names to most bootylicious thing GOD ever create in both men and women depending on your preferences of course. some like it big, some like it small, some like it smooth, some like it menggerutu with kurap on it. some love to spank it, some just get enough simulation to orgasme just by watching it.

hahahaha. i'm such an ass. i know that.

so, i found anal such an arse lately. 2 things in my life which become so anus, i couldn't define how i hate it.

first: Anal-og (analog)

i'm a failure when it comes to analog. i hate analog watch, analog meter, analog this, analog that. it's digital age, can't they make everything digital? analog annoys me cause first you don't get the accuracy just by watching it. unlike digital things, analog based on mechanical movement instead of automated calculation. that exposed analog more towards external factor such as magnetic influence, mechanical error and human error reading analog (ralat due to pembiasan cahaya from kaca to udara - blergh, you know your science).

yet there are so many analog lover, i just don't get it.

second: Anal-ysis (analysis)

if i heard another person says "analysis", i would kill them. in my field of work, people can be such pompous arse by saying "this is the analysis that i done" yet the thing they do is just crap. and more and more pompous arse overutilizing the words "analysis" to make them look intelligent when they talk and as if people couldn't read/watch/understand their bluff.

i have enough of word "analysis", couldn't anyone stop using it. just fucking say, do some study, my point of view which contains higher dosage of vanity that just "analysis". what a loser. fuck that!

Random Thoughts

2009-02-04T19:49:00.002+08:00

During my uni time, i love to post random questions to mIRC. first, i'm bored. second, i'm bored. third, i just want differential opinion on the question. fourth, did i say i'm bored?

sometimes people asked me, did you feel/act/experience like what i'm asked in my random questions, i just say...yes and no. sometimes i asked and expecting good answer to solve my problem, sometimes did i say i'm bored? provoking people with morally twilight question is a recretational to me. it's like good sport! sweating and refreshing!

so, it comes to me again that i have random thoughts (again) after a long, tiring day.

have you ever think of having an affair with your neighbor?

how does it feel to get shot by a nuclear bullet or something like that?

is it really terrifying to stab somebody to death?

if you could behead somebody and kick his head after that, what kind of kick will you employ?

or you'll just smack the head with baseball bats?

what does it feel when you jump for suicide from a rocky cliff?

how does it feel to be frozen to death?

does fucking with pretty face women taste better?

hahahahha. i'm quite twisted.

Things they don't teach in class

2009-01-31T07:04:00.003+08:00

1) If you posted clouds pictures taken from windows of airplane on your point-and-shoot camera or phone camera, that's indicated that you're naive.

2) If you taken your picture from up angle (myspace angle), that's indicated that you're fat.

3) If you taken your picture from your GS (good side), that's indicated that you're ugly.

4) If you think that you're ugly and still taken your picture in any angle you like and posted it on your social network with caption "owh..i'm so not pretty", that's indicated that you're ugly.

5) If you think you could post your amateur homemade porn to WWW with censoring/hiding your face, that's indicated that you're just show to the world how small your dick is which means, you're also as stupid as the female in features.

6) If you think emo hair is cool, you're a fag.

7) If you think you going to get good job just because you're graduating from university, you better kill yourself since you will be dead horse anyway.

8) If you only have SPM qualification, not any kerabat or dato or tan sri's relative and think highly of yourself in working environment, you should put one or two or three bullet/hot rod to your brain.

9) If you believe that your being transexual is GOD will, you sure believe that you're evolved from ape.

10) If you think reading this useless list will beneficial to you, you sure believe that by signing your name will get you full mark in your exam.

Love FF

2009-01-28T17:38:00.003+08:00

Have you ever feel hopeless watching the one you love; love somebody else?

Everything about you and her seems far away. She is the most beautiful flower your heart crave yet too far for you to reach, your leg stuck in the mud while she is a flower at the highest peak. She belongs to one who don't deserve her, don't appreciate her. Your heart aching when you see her in the hand of fools who see her only as possession. Your heart bleed when you see her in front of your eyes wasting her love and heart towards somebody who didn't love her.

No matter how much you try to reach to her, it's just silence filling the hollow. Your love screams only to echo to absorbent dead silent. Even when you scream your lungs out, only silence.

She was, is and will be the most beautiful things ever walk God's Earth. Behind those fog and smoke, her beauty shine blown all fog and smoke away. Her grace is like an angel from the sky. Your heart keep telling you; this is hope! this is miracle!

Even so, the angel wasted her purity. If only your hand could reach her further, if only those ungrateful bastard stop luring her, she will be yours. In your wake or dream, her and her only lingering in your mind, dancing in your dream and send you to 7 heavens where's your eyes meet her eyes and tears rolling down your cheeks.

Love is so beautiful and you wish for one moment for her to reach your love echoes. Even by weak resonant, you wish she could hear it. And she will know that amongst those who worship her beauty, there are one man who worship her heart.

and when those moments come, he and she shall be together.

owh...my Ford Focus ST!

p/s: i'm so in love with this car!

google (image) it!

2009-01-25T03:02:00.005+08:00

Tagged by Zahiera, so here I'm typing this. Btw, you could read her magnificient thought here. Enjoy:

I am....

Apparently, my nickname "dueng" is a mountain or highland in Thailand. So, here the output when i google image it.absolutely beautiful place!

I really want to go....

Anfield Stadium. For as long as i knew LFC, i really want to go to Anfield Stadium. I want to shed manly tears for the KOP chanting and spirit! Next destination after Anfield would be Japan. You know why!

My fave place....

I'm not hardcore when it comes to read books but i love to browse books, reading synopsis, extracting quick tips, and a stress reliever. Why kinokuniya? because i think they have lots of choice of books compare to the other bookstore and very nice ambience (Kino and Borders at par). used to love Novelhut in Ipoh for its cheap second hand books.

My fave things.....

The rig in the picture almost like the one i have. beautiful and messy! I love my PC and quickly become one thing that i couldn't live without. :)

My fave drink.....

Owh i'm so not to "tolak" any mango drink. I just love mango. but since i love mango juice, i become quite picky on the taste. i most of the time will just drink any mango juice but to rate any mango juice as good, that's gonna be tough.

My fave food.....

This is without saying; the greatest food that i ever enjoy. i'm very picky about my sambal ikan bilis and eventhough i eat most sambal ikan bilis, just like mango juice; it's hard for me to rate any sambal ikan bilis as great. i'm that picky!

my fave colors.....

Black is my favorite color. Cause it's cool, hot, elegant and cute. seriously, black is the new black. nothing could match this color in term of matching up with any other color (except for white).

I live in....

Not in ladang kelapa sawit! My hometown in Kuantan, in Felda Bukit Sagu 01. My dad is one of the later settler in this felda and home is the best place to be! I remember catching up with friends having picnic in the middle of ladang, fishing and menangguk ikan. the good old days!

I was born in.....

Born in Hospital Besar, Kuantan. Couldn't remember much bits of it but the view here at top floor to sungai kuantan is magnificient!

My almamater....

UTP; The best place (eventhough i complaints alot bout this place) to be. the best years of my life. and i'm glad i'm enjoying it!

SEMSAS; my other almamater. Beautiful place, mixed memories and maturing experience all still kept properly in my mind.

my fave series....

Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO); The first drama that i hooked up with, most watched, and most entertaining and moving. This drama inspire me to be a teacher! for good and bad reason! hahahaha.

my hobbies....

Surfing net. kadang2 download, kadang2 just reading wikipedia, kadang2 bloghopping. Depends on mood and necessities.

Watching movies and dramas. the picture is just like the setup of pc that i have here in my room. and yes, i do watch it with my feet (without socks) pointing to the pc while my back resting on my bedside. heaven!

My wish....

In my new year resolution. hoho.

Just because you're a woman

2009-01-18T21:31:00.003+08:00

....don't you think i can't smack you!

Today, i'm pissed off. I mean, mad, angry. For some collaborative business trip that i will be heading in few days from now, this woman really know to push my button. Everytime she opens her mouth, she just adding more fuel to my anger. Thing started when i need to discuss with her on the details of the collaborative business trip. The trip for testing new system at vendor site before we could implement it in the office. For the whole project, i just a coordinator. She is the end user who will use the system but she doesn't give a dime about the trip.

Ok, here the situation. I "inherit" the project as part of my new job scope at this new office. Well, nothing i could do to avoid it so i just devour and enjoy it. She on the other hands try her best not to give the cooperation that i need. I mean, come on! I also have tons of work on my plate that i need to take care of but she was soooo pissed me off with her careless attitude. For a starter, she doesn't even read the functional design documents. Yes, you're the new kids of the block but show some effort, please. To think that i'm running around to coordinate the whole thing even for her traveling itirenary and push her to get the traveling documents approved by her managers, i'm sure my patience just at best when i could handle all that. even up to that point, she don't even have any effort to clear things up with her manager on traveling issue that we have.

she almost get the best of me when she again playing her careless card when i urge her to get things sorted before tomorrow. i wonder how i could still smile when i talk to her at that moment, i admire my acting. to be the end user and ignore the testing for the system, she don't know what going to get her way soon.

from what i heard from small investigation with her staff (he will follow us too for the business trip), she just kinda rude and authoritive to her subordinate. With that kind of attitude, she either one day will be hate or get raped by one of her subordinate!

I used to have 16 problematic male subordinates under my care and i could tell you it's so hard to work with them since all of them have "colourful" history. But to be able to relate to them (3 of them are at my dad age) and have a workable relationship, i'm proud of myself. You have to give respect to gain respect. To play it by their rules sometimes is the way to win them. You have to be harsh when needed but just chill out when they're behaving ok. They're ain't kids so treat them with respect even they are the one who sort your letters, photocopy your documents, deliver your parcels and sweep your floor.

I just don't get it why most executives (new and current) so full of themselves! they think they're smart but they know very little about the world. and not to mention (even I hate to make sexist remarks but it's my most encounter experience) that women are so full of themselves in this case. maybe most of them are spoilt brat but don't you parent teach you to respect others, you stupid cunt?

when was your last time you smile to janitors cleaning your office? or the tea lady who clean your office pantry? or the one who serve you food at the cafeteria?

i rest my case. you know yourself better.

Palestine vs Israel: Religious War or Liberation War?

2009-01-08T19:21:00.002+08:00

Funny thing about Palestine and Israel issue is it's between Muslim and Jews which make me want to ask; is this a religious war? or is it a liberation war?

what i want to highlight (as i told lots of people last time), the strategy employed by both Hamas and Fatah is not working. The war exploded since 1946 and did anything change for better then?

if this is a liberation war, Palestinian should leave. Let's Jews have Palestine. Retreat and rearrange the strategies back as what Jews did last time when they get into Palestine. They play around with holocaust during WWII to get the world to sympathize with them. very clever indeed. If Palestinian stays in Palestine and waiting to be slaughtered, then nothing I could do about it. is it because of their pride? When you retreat, it doesn't mean you're lost, it just you buying some time to get back to drawing board of strategy. Remember Trojan Horse? how a group of retreat people infiltrate into a sleeping giant and slaughtered them.

if this is a religious war, then also Palestinian should leave. why? Remember "peristiwa Hijrah"? Mohammad s.a.w. move from Mekah to Madinah when there are nothing they could do in Mekah to win. Carefully strategize, Mohamad s.a.w. come back to win Mekah. and in the process He didn't kill any civilian. he didn't blow up any religious place belongs to other religion.

and as far as i remember, Islam never told Muslim to blow/kill/torture/beheaded civilian, women, children and old people.
Since when did Islam allow Muslim to butcher innocent people?
Since when did Muslim allowed to blow up other religion religious place?
Did Mohamad s.a.w. teach Muslim to do that?
Did Mohamad s.a.w. blow/kill any Jews civilian during his time?
Did this war is so big and important that Muslim just could neglect all what Islam had told them just to win back Palestine?
Did this war so important that Muslim are allowed to pray for Israel damnation?
Since when Islam teach Muslim to pray for other people bad luck?
Did Mohammad s.a.w pray for damnation of people who give him hard time?

I dunno about your version of Islam but the version of Islam i know doesn't teach all that. Cause the version of Islam that I know is a religion of peace. Religion that ask Muslim to question their doing, whether is it right or wrong. Religion that teach about value creation.

Now, back to macro, does this a religious war? or does this a liberation war?

on the other hand:
are we so civilized that we're barbaric and crude?

Dear diary I

2009-01-06T22:54:00.002+08:00

dear diary,

today is not my most beautiful day. i'm pretty much exhaustive at work, my mind couldn't work faster than it should and tons and tons of work on my plate. i keep telling myself, "this will end, someday". i wasn't please to see myself this bimbo; feel like chasing after a bullet train on a bicycle. i dunno what's wrong with my mind but it seems lately my mind being too stupid to absorb things that i need to learn quickly. am i getting older, diary?

after work, i have my own personal hell waiting. i hate to think things after work. mom give me hell throughout this month. i dunno why but it seems nothing i could do to satisfy her. i'm indifferent right now. am i a bad son, diary?

and when everything couldn't get right, i so not in the mood. so, i lost my appetite. lost lots of my sleep and everyday seems become more difficult to walk on. i spoil her mood again. it's my fault. i couldn't cheer up to her given my current condition. am i selfish, diary?

right now, i feel nothing. numb. heavily sedated. barely move. diary, i feel like crying. i hate myself when i cry but what could i do, diary? i'm really tired, diary. will you hug me and comfort me for a while? thank you, diary.

now,allow me to leap off the building. goodbye. thank you for listening. i love you so much.

the need of a hero & the need to become one

2009-01-03T21:03:00.003+08:00

Hero; a savior figure. I believe that hero is a man/woman comes and save the day; in my case, come to save me. Superhero; hero with super power, a mere imagination. What we have in this bitter reality is just average hero; human with miracle that they created.

For past months, i been watching Dr Who. Dr Who is a British series created long time ago and just had been given new life by BBC Wales. Up to date, 4 seasons already for the new Dr Who. Dr Who telling the story about Time Lord; the last of his kind wandering around the time and space saving civilization, rescue planets and such. An intriguing series by BBC and influence lots of British. Considered as amongst longest running television series with 752 episode to date.

What intrigue the most about Dr Who and the act of hero is eventhough "the Doctor" is clearly a hero but as he always said; "look at this clever human being, look at their potential!" telling something about human being. In the eyes of an alien (the Doctor is so not human - he's from Gallifrey), human being are capable of heroic act; the act that make them hero.

In life, sometimes we feel so lost that we secretly wish someone come to save us. Get scolded at work, unmotivated at school, heart broken, failing exam, drowning, completely lost faith in love, broken family, business collapsed etc. The list can goes on and on and on. We need a saviour. We need a hero.

Everyone needs a hero, conciously or subconciously.

And everyone needs to become one. You know what you could do best, make use of it for betterment. I realize that in today competitive world, nobody care about anybody. I care for my own good. I'm not saying that you should leave your business and join Peace Corp but being a hero shouldn't be in grand scale of things. Ever heard that "you're the world to someone"? It's truly it. Well, at least to your bank. Gone missing for 3 months and see how much they missed you. Aside that, everybody have a purpose to live, a purpose to be happy.

Do what you do best in life and become a better man/woman each day and you'll be a hero. Sometimes people just don't see it cause people around them never tell it. Well people, you better start told people around you how much they save you even by tiny bit. It makes a different for people morale. A simple thank you note, a smile and an act of care could save lots of souls from being forever torment.

I once have this inferiority about how much people actually reading this useless piece of writing and once I decided to stop writing. But on that one fine day, there are somebody (an anonymous really) tell me that how much he likes to read my writing. I'm relieved to hear that really. In some way, i feel like a hero. I feel like that i'm likable. That I'm not as bad as I think of. That i have potential in this inferior looking and feeling. So, go on be a hero and save the world!

Look at this beautiful people, looks how clever they are. Brilliant human being!

2009 Wish List

2008-12-31T12:58:00.000+08:00

So, what i wish for 2009 are:

1) read more books. seriously, i need to read more books. this year i read around 5 books, need more.

2) be more patient. i guess sometimes i easily lose my cool. to have better grip of myself.

3) feel like getting married or something along the line.

4) to maintain current hardworking level (gah..and i know i will miss lots of time for other things)

5) hope for better jdorama next year. this year is such a dissapointment.

6) Liverpool FC to win CL and English Premier League!

Nothing much but i set an achievable wish list next year!

of dejavu

2008-12-29T00:34:00.003+08:00

I somehow went deep inside my thoughts whether i ever see her. I mean, i know her as Drinie Aguilar, the Philippine model and newscaster who host "Game" at ESPN Star but somehow her smile reminds me of someone but i couldn't seems to pin point who's who.

Drinie wasn't the most attractive woman (but she definitely super cute) that ever crossed my eyes but due to X-factor and dejavu that i'm having right now, her smile linger in my mind for a while. What make me truly believe that her smile is something which my subconcious mind recognize due to the dimple. I was 200% sure that i have seen the smile but i couldn't remember whom. Her smile is cheeky, sweet and honest.

Gosh, it's so frustrating when your mind seems to meet dead end everytime "search queries" fired by my nueron. Ok, let forget about it.

Did you by any chance knows someone with this cheeky smile (beside her)?

Hero of The KOP

2008-12-25T10:00:00.003+08:00

Been away too long so here something to munch/gobble about. Recently finished reading "Gerrard: My Autobiography".

For those who don't know who the hell is Steven Gerrard; he's English football player, currently captain of Liverpool Football Club. Gerrard as many of Liverpool fan is a hero. I couldn't see why he shouldn't be Liverpool hero! (owh..this is so going to be bias!)

Anyway, reading the book and seeing him in press conference is totally hell and heaven comparison. During press conference, he's a composed man, cold and very very serious. I never see him joking around during press conference. The utter joy of his face could only be seen during Liverpool scoring goal or winning matches. Hey, even he didn't smile in the cover page for his autobiography.

Reading his book giving you the new side of him; the shy, family man, passionate fan of LFC and most of all; a passionate football player. He just love football too much! Reading his journey through his youth in Ironside till become Three Lions first XI, he just outpouring everything in this book.

Winning and losing, depression, difficult time, happy time, marriage, honour and shame all in one book. If you ask me whether this book is worthy your read, i will say YES! It's might not be the most beautifully crafted book with poetic language but it speaks the measure of the man; his honesty in telling his story. Heck, he don't even hide that he's crying when he went in and out due to injury and few others disturbing comments. But he is what he is and for his passion for football and Liverpool, this book moved me in so many ways.

It quite thick but it worth it. A month to finish reading this while traveling for company's affair. Definitely recommended for die hard fan of LFC.

p/s: the building office here named "KOP", feel like at The KOP, Anfield (the name almost there, just the distant so far).

Gen Y

2008-12-09T09:04:00.001+08:00

1. They spend around RM300-RM500 a month on entertainment and leisure
err...yes. I love to eat, i indulge in good food. i'm guilty as charged! most of the time, i love buying perfume and watching movie.

2. Their love for shopping has earned them the label of "dream consumers"
I rarely shop but when i'm in the mood, i spend quite relevant amount of money. hole in my pocket.

3. On a good day, they hang out at designer coffee outlets and indulge in good food, which easily comes to RM15 per meal
Used to hang out in Starbucks, on my winded up day. yes, when i need somewhere to escape, i run away from my routine. Now, takdak dah.

4. Many own the newest handphones, equipped with the latest technology. Doesn't matter if they are not technologically savvy enough to utilize all the functions; what is important is that they own something at par with what their peers have.
Almost there. Just the money stop me. gile hape nak kejar technology, couldn't afford it anymore. But the one with money definitely chasing after it. believe me, there are lots of people who have more money than sense.

5. Two-thirds know the price of an iPod, but three-quarters have no idea what a carton of milk costs.
i know both.

6. They have hundreds of illegally downloaded songs
er...did i? not hundreds, just hundred thousands je. :P. nothing cheaper than free eh.

7. One in 20 spends more than RM200 a month on mobile phone bills
I spent around RM 50 - RM 60 for phone bills. I think i know few people who spent more than RM 300 per month just for the phone bills. Valid statement i guess.

8. A number of them have more than one phone
1 number, 1 handphone, 1 headache. enough for me. i knew few friends who have up to 3 phone. yeah...busy "playing" around.

9. Many do not read the newspapers, or watch the TV news
I read newspaper, especially sport news. occasionally, i missed out things due to work. but i guess few of my friends hardly read newspaper or watch news. one thing that they read; entertainment news. well, not everybody interested in politics and world issue.

10. They are heavily dependent on 'helicopter parents' who hover protectively over their offspring
Most of us here quite independent. Eventhough sometimes we messed up with our expenditure, but somehow we always managed to get through it. I think i stop being dependent to my parent once i get into uni. some still depend on their parent; whether they yet to get on their feet or they just know their parent always there to save them from pinch. time will teach them once they learn to let go of the grasping hand. and the overprotecting parent pun kenalah let it go. let the kids grow.

So, now I will officially start the tagging game. Hereby, I tag:
Narulle
Sayut
Bet
Hani

WHY NOT SO SERIOUS?

2008-11-18T16:21:00.000+08:00

After few heavyweight entry which nobody really care to read or comment, here come a light one.

Browsing IMDB and I found this indie movie. Look interesting since my last indie movie; The Namesake. This is also India-based indie movie. India and indie. Well, presenting to you; Slumdog Millionare.

This movie directed by Danny Boyle, the same director which direct Millions. Millions is a brilliant British indie movie that you must watch! It's eye-catching and not too preaching in my opinion. Funny enough, this movie touch about live in slum but much more positive than City of God; a movie which I watch few months ago which told about live in slum in Rio de Janeiro.

Given that I yet to get my internet at home, this movie should wait for download. Well, you could easily find aXXo release in the internet and download it straightaway.

I hope this movie to be interesting, at least enough to make me glued to my chair and watch it till the end (well, you couldn't argue that the BIGGEST flaws of indie movie i.e: it's goddamn boring and lengthy and full of dialog which you don't care much to listen and too much experiment with the camera angle).

The trailer:

Solitude and Maturity

2008-11-16T16:50:00.000+08:00

Solitude; a state of social isolation.

It's the 20 minutes most interesting life conversation I had this year. A friend asking me, what does it means to get married?

I'm not married, how should I know? I give my best answer; it's to understand someone until you feel like pouring your heart out eventhough you're not talking, to be siblings, parent and friends in one form. It's fascinating how we could just say things honestly to siblings which could hurt them and still love them. It's a miraculous kind of relationship cause you know siblings always there for you, always support you, no matter how harsh things could be between you.

People said that friends are siblings that GOD forgot to give us. I totally disagree with that statement. Friends could just run away from you cause for all he/she cares, you broke their heart, you don't deserve to be my friend.

Siblings relationship is also like parent-children relationship whereby you could hate your parent but still love them. How could this happened?

I think because we know those siblings and parent are the only one we have, we couldn't afford to lose them. Because we couldn't replace them because we don't want them, we just get them. So no matter how screwed up we're or they're, we will always try to work it out. Some will giving up, no doubt bout that but most of us just don't. Because the merit of the relationship is we just couldn't find any suitable replacement for them.

So, why did I said marriage is "it's to understand someone until you feel like pouring your heart out eventhough you're not talking, to be siblings, parent and friends in one form"? Because you could still hate your partner but still love them like siblings and parent yet still care to choose your words right and outpouring your feeling to them like friends.

It goes back to really open up your heart and trying to understand others. As far as it goes, it's hard for people to open up their heart cause everyone is evil. Everyone of us have their own little devil which whisper of evil thoughts that we wish nobody could see it; because people expect others to be good and nice. You could say we're all big fat liar, hypocrite but hoping for that wasn't a bad thing. The world still need that, humanity need that.

For people who had been in solitude for most of their teen life, open up to others is rather harder. People who been living their live sorting it out using their bare hand; experience life as it freshly baked from oven. People with so much hands on experience which make them matured in short period of time. These people been filling our void life with ourselves. Yes, it's always about me, moi, and myself.

Should you been living like that for let say, 5-10 years; you find it's hard to depends on others. You get annoyed when people stirred up your comfort zone. You get smaller circle of friend but really trustworthy one. You ain't worried about others, you just couldn't give a dime about things that doesn't concern you. You become an individualist; living the individualism belief.

You also become pessimist in life; you think singing in rain is just a childish act, you become cynical and you don't believe in love. You're a rational man which using his mind to speak out rather than his feeling. If you had been there, it's really hard to sort of change your "polarity". When love knock on your door, you just stiff. You couldn't react cause you couldn't understand or rather you just find it bothersome to understand it.

Well, those people find it hardest to be loved. For them, love is unnecessary and wasted act. Love is just unnecessary feeling which only exist in fiction.

So, how about me? Do I need to be loved? Do I need marriage?

I think I am now. Not as in now that I need to get married NOW but rather I find love is amusing now.

So, did he need love now? I dunno. Whatever it is, it's his choice and I respect it.

p/s: gah...it turn out senseless.

Arguement for fun

2008-11-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

I been busy lately. With lots of thing really. Work is ok, if you're wondering about it since i always rant about how stressful work could be.

I found a newly discovered bad trait in me. I love to argue for fun up to a time, it's no longer a fun neither for me nor for others. With family (read: mom), it could be disastrous. When i said disastrous, it means just that. You just couldn't win with mom and even if you're or you were, it's not going to be a victory really. It's painful and severe the relationship more than you could think of. and to think that to happen over some trivial argument, you wish you could just shut up.

I been arguing with someone lately and it proves to be an inferno for me. ended up, i would wound myself and i would wound her. and guilty! i hate that. i hate feeling guilty. it keep coming to you but you just couldn't shake it off unless it's the end of the relationship.

and in some way, it changes how things transpire between you and me. i wish i could go back in time and stop myself for saying things. you could call it life lesson, to let me grow and understand more about people.

yeah, i sucked the most at understanding human heart. not that i couldn't but it's more like a dish i not prefer so i choose not to indulge it. over time, you just forget how the taste of it. to unlearn and learn it once again, ego come into picture. the voice echoes "hey, i know this...why should i learn again about it?".

for you who teach me all along, thank you for your patience. i still learning so keep your patience level there. make me feel humane again.

it had been a bumpy but great ride with you. and i'm sorry for that i always hurt you.

So, where are you going?

2008-10-22T14:28:00.000+08:00

I'm here. Now in Kerteh.

Recap on events from my time in KL until reaching Kerteh:

10/10 - Finished with project issue. Almost sorted out everything. Hectic.

13/10 - Handover, drawing the cutting line. Hectic. Last day in the office.

14/10 - On leave. License test in the morning. Passed! FINALLY! Got some food to eat, final packing. Packers and movers came in the evening. Everything finished packed. Get some rest. Dinner with THE USUAL SUSPECTS before boarding bus.

15/10 - Arrive in Kerteh at 3 a.m. in the morning. 7 a.m. sleeping at my friends room after 4 hours waiting at bus stop. At 9 p.m., movers came. Unload and unpack. By lunch, finish unpack almost everything. Prepare for work tomorrow.

16/10 - Report duty at HR. Some briefing, formal form filling and such. At 10 a.m., report duty to my immediate superior. Job scopes and responsibilities briefing. Meeting with Department Head. Start working on new job.

17/10 - Weekend. Rerun Dr Who, movies and JDos.

18/10 - Weekend. Start sorting out data for new task recieved on 16/10. Rerun JDos and Dr Who.

19/10 - Recieved lappy for office usage. Another discussion on new responsibilities. Taking up new system. Updating data, consolidating figures.

20/10 - More consolidating and updating. Finalizing figure and submission to HQ.

so, that's basically my life in here Kerteh. Nothing fancy, just another working life but i guess there are few things which i value when i arrive here. One of them is time. I could manage my time better than before. More and more time for myself (well, perhaps i'm still new) but one way or another, it's still a good indication.

Pretty much hectic time before transferred here and pretty much hectic time also when arrived here. New things means the learning curve is still long way to go. :)

p/s: it's good to be here after long miss!

Seriously, I Don't Give A Flying F**k About It!

2008-09-24T20:13:00.002+08:00

It starts off when I got my transfer letter. After beating around the bush with HR, i manage to squeeze my transfer letter to be produce as soon as possible. I stop bugging HR after that, now the hardest part. My current superior finally get in touch with my new superior and both of them agree on agreeable date for me to transfer. Gah..settle semua pasal transfer. Now on packing, handover and farewell.

I really take my own sweet time to do work when i know for sure i get my transfer. I'm a bit happy with my work and have better motivation in work; which is good. But somehow, something big happened and it happened this week.

My big big boss bugging my superior and me regarding the overdue work that should be settle long time ago. What pissed me off that it never been in our KPI to meet such dateline. Not that it give us so much time to leisure around but heck, i need some rest and properly hand over my work. In my field of work, i could trash just anybody to get my work done but you couldn't do that cause you'll need those people whom you trash to work for you.

I try to accommodate to people request as much as i could. Considering that i know for the fact that having things finalize before executing it would eliminate much of revisit work. Even so, human are never constant hence changes, revisit or maintenance work will happen every now and then.

So, it had gone that the big big boss said that we could just trash those people who we need to entertain so that we could meet the dateline. And it's all because it's in their f**king KPI. To think that they never even want to care about our field of work make me pissed off. They don't even care a dime about it but when it's involved their KPI, they will jumping to our neck and putting every threat possible regarding performance appraisal.

I'm tired of this. People who trash us yet jumping on our neck when our work got something to do with their KPI. and for f**k sake, the big big boss not even completed my superior IPC while the other superior get their IPC even signed and have a grand ceremony about it. Heh! treat us like 3rd class citizen. Truth is, i'm giving up the field service for now. I been seeing lots of people whom treat us like trash yet expect us to do miracle when they're in trouble. So much for professionalism!!

I don't expect those bunch of arrogant, stupid apple polisher so-called professional to even say thank you to my hard work, i just hope they could take their time and understand how much we in the service field suffered to accommodate to their insane request. Living in such a fast-pace company which requires you to work your ass to get things done yet not so good results in appraisal really demoralize me to the max. They treat us as if we're ain't human, gosh, and yet we called ourselves malay professional? courtesy of east and professional ethics of the west is just mere utopia in here.

And for thousand times, i been wondering that;

.... if that what it takes for me to go higher, would i be able to trash my subordinate, my colleague and my superior for my performance?....

with whatever trashing that i had been doing to most of people due to my work related things, i truly feel guilty. I become a monster since i come to work here and i don't like it. eventhough the experience of trashing others seems exciting and something i could brag to newcomers, but deep inside i feel so trash about it.

If only i could stop that but i'm not too sure whether i'm capable to stop that. It's hard especially in this company whereby people willing to kill each other just to look better in the management eyes and for better appraisal results. Working in services field means that you're more handicapped in term of performance cause the 219 days of good works could be down to drain for 1 day of screwed up. Their eyes surely sharp on complaints and such and whether you like it or not, they're no such thing as non-bias evaluation. human ain't divine.

Seriously, I Don't Give A Flying F**k About It anymore! I just cruise through it and when the time come, i'm gone. And to my beloved superior which have enormous trust on me to execute things my way, i truly thank you for standing up for me, giving encouragement and those bad days that teach me to be a better, tougher person to get through those shit. Getting a careless superior make you learn "to die or to swim" but that's where her love to me is all about. I matured alot during the course of 2 years in this field and it teach me lots about how to deal with people especially in this company.

Believe me, i got the worst bunch of subordinate which could make you scream every single day yet to mold them into something useful take alot of effort. they had change and thank GOD, i was there to see that happened. A bunch of energetic and improve version of that. I'm happy that my initial KPI when i first come here achieved; to make a different, improve things and people around me. I manage to do that eventhough some people might not see it as a big deal at all. And i will keep carry this KPI and try to make a different everywhere i go. Now, am off for greater adventure and pray that things will be better!!

p/s: btw, i have 16 male subordinate and 1 female subordinate.

Elevation - Big Words for Bigger Jerks

2008-09-21T14:25:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder when you sit still and do some thinking (read:daydreaming), few big words popped up to your mind?

My big word for today is "Elevation". Roughly my understanding to it; raising upward. To bring myself up.

I always come across big words i.e: which pronunciation of 4 or more syllables, in my mind every now and then. Words like:

Consumerism

Delusional

Anticipation

Appreciation

Conservative

Contemporary

Practicality

Self-explanatory

Immorality

Big words for bigger jerks. That's how i feel. It's just when you write it so eloquence (another big words), you intend others to take more time to understand it for people who have limited vocabulary and need to type "define:" at Google just to make sense of the whole bunch of sling of bullshit that you throw OR you just mere show off. Even so, i still writing it using big words (at least for me) maybe in those sense OR rather i told the lie to myself; "this is how i want people to perceive me, i'm full of mystery".

Am I now sound that i'm a bigger jerk than I am before?

Anyhow, back to "Elevation". Couples of event happen this month going to elevate me upwards. I FINALLY get my transfer approved from my current superior, cruising around my work, having good conversation with my superior, bits of fame and appreciation and lots and lots of enjoying my time nutting around (eh?).

I really feel like elevating myself up to the moon. Now, the cramp time! To concentrate every tiny bits into limited time frame and push it to the end. Pray that it's goes well!~

p/s: now i feel like a bigger jerk. Thanks big words!

Chrome Is New Black

2008-09-03T22:00:00.000+08:00

So, Google launch new product; Google Chrome. It's a web browser, claiming to be Safari-meet-Mozilla function. Knowing Google legacy, they always manage to come with trademark which make you know that "hey, it's Google stuff".

Hint:

Witty remarks, unorthodox catchy phrase is SO Google!

First remarks:

Stats for nerds? Huh?! Witty~

Second remarks:

"Under the hood"? Couldn't they say it normally as other do it? But hey, it's Google maa.

It's pretty much lighter than Mozilla 3.0 and according to "Stats for Nerds", it used lower memory usage compared to Mozilla 3.0. It's like comparing FooBar to Winamp. You need to use both to feel the different. So, how this newest thing looks like?

...and so i found this skin from Winamp website!

7 Perkara

2008-08-30T07:31:00.000+08:00

7 Fakta Mengenai Diri Saya (7 Facts about Me..)

I'm overweight and i don't like people to make fun of that.
I'm quite talkative really.
I'm quite sensitive.
My life is my pc.
Think alot, 360 degrees thought yet there are always loophole here and there.
I love kids.
Easily irritated even by smallest miss out but i keep things to myself.

7 Perkara Yang Menakutkan Saya Di Dunia (7 Things that Scare Me in the World.. -_-)

Live without PC.
Live without internet.
No friends.
No family.
No space for myself.
Not being myself.
Venomous creature.

7 Lagu Kegemaran Buat Masa Sekarang (7 Current Favourite Songs)

YUI - Oh My God.
YUI - Laugh Away.
Otsuka Ai - Sakuranbo.
The Cure - Boys Don't Cry (my ringtone).
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours.
Otsuka Ai - Rocket Sneakers.
Matchbox 20 - Mad Season.

7 Perkataan Yang Selalu Saya Sebut (7 Words Mostly I Said..)

Okies.
Yeah, right.
God Damn It.
Arghhh..fuck!
Yo.
ahhh...cute!
hehehehe.

7 Perkara Yang Bernilai Bagi Diri Saya (7 Valuable Things for Me)

Me myself.
My PC.
My internet.
My japanese drama.
My friends.
My family.
My work.

7 Pertama Kali Dalam Hidup Saya (7 First Time in My Life)

First time buying my own PC.
First time Jdorama; GTO.
First time working.
First time living in KL.
First time away from home.
First time falling in love.
And so many other first time that I do not dare to reveal here.

7 Orang Yang Bertuah Untuk Menjawab Soalan-soalan Di Atas (7 “Lucky” Peeps That Need to Waste Their Time Doing This)

Sesape je la. Kalau rajin dan banyak masa kosong, silakan buat. :)

Consumerism Whore

2008-08-20T10:48:00.000+08:00

We're consumerism whore. Consumerism is a need, nonetheless you're a plain, household consumer or high profile business consumer. You consume, purchase, buy, trade, procure or whatever fucking term for consumerism.

I found it's amusing how much consumerism; the way we spent our money reflect our social status. Simplest example I see in front of my eyes that a friend of mine buys SEED shirt which cost him RM 200. It's an arguable cost for me; much to give me idea to ridicule his concept of consumerism. RM 200 for fucking shirt that nobody really care anyway. Some might take a look at those fancy shirt but I'm not one of them and even the material wasn't the best anyway if quality comes into question. One of my officemate even buy Burberry necktie which cost him RM 300.

People looking at consumer brand to "brand" themselves, to set their level. I have no problem with that if you think the brand could provide some social status or make women chasing after you but what concern me on how consumerism "consumed" your lifestyle.

As most people love to coin the term of "executive lifestyle", it's a term of vomit-induced for me. WHAT THE FUCK WITH EXECUTIVE LIFESTYLE? For those who ain't familiar to executive lifestyle term, it's a term referring to 5Cs; condo, car, credit card, cash and career. It's a benchmark to gauge where a person belongs, how much his worthy. I used to have a talk with one manager on this 5Cs which going like this:

Manager: So, you duduk kat mana?
Me: Gombak. Dekat area taman melati.
Manager: Owh, berapa orang duduk serumah? Sewa macam mana?
Me: Kami duduk 5 orang (now 4), sewa around RM 550 untuk rumah sahaja. Kalau campur utilities bill around RM 900 per month la.
Manager: Murah nya. Kenapa you tak duduk kondo, dah la bersesak-sesak sangat rumah you tu. You as an executive should living in comfort, at least sewa la kondo around your area there.
Me: Owh..i don't think i need it.

Soon, i skewed the conversation to somewhere else as i clearly could see where the conversation going to lead should i let it. You see, i found that it's non-practical approach to have a house that cost me RM 1000 per month on rental alone while i hardly spent any time at home during weekdays except to get some sleep, shower and toilet. Most of my time during weekdays spent outside the house and i'm totally ok with small and cramp space of my room.

Many would argue that i buy expensive perfume, IKEA furniture and Liverpool jersey but here's the catch for those.

I need perfume that long last but i also wear RM 10 perfume from Generic Perfume. As long as i love the smell, i would buy it. RM 10 perfume could also smell nice and last longer. I buy perfume because you see, i sweat alot and i hate when i smell like salted fish. Deodorant alone won't do.

I buy IKEA furniture because they could provide the best wooden furniture that compact, space efficient and i could assemble it on my own. I hate metal bed because it will make sound when the hinges, bolts and nuts loose. It could drive me crazy.

I buy Liverpool jersey because i'm a fan of LFC and it's a healthy hobby. I found myself into football which much better than rempitting and other immoral behaviour.

I strongly believe in practicality. there are things that i need and things that i want so i just put my priority on my needs greater than my wants. I don't spent money like hell if i know i need to makan megi before middle of the month.

I wasn't say that i not part of consumerism whore. I myself love to buy gadget and upgrading my pc which sometimes quite disastrous. But slowly i want to get back to my rational side and thinking back everytime i want to spend my money. I found it's hard to get there.

So, let be wiser in spending our money and let's not eat megi before the end of the month!

Dope

2008-08-15T11:45:00.001+08:00

this piece was lost

i will keep filling

this empty hole with emptiness

shallow feeling of loneliness

afraid not to dream

but i'm tired of nightmare

which i couldn't shake off

i'm my intoxication

that keep me high

in this narrow tunnel

the light won't shine again

let me be here

don't you bother

cause i will never

be your matter

this piece will always lost

i forge the smile

i fake the tears

i clone the heart

would you please be happy now?

04 August 2008 - 20.31

Originally posted here.

I was...

2008-08-14T11:01:00.000+08:00

a light hearted, cheeky and a bit "non-filtered' mouth persona.

Now, i'm a bitter, still cheeky, pessimist, foul mouth, introvert asshole. Life robbed me!

So I said la.

I hate it when people keep asking those fucking typical question:

"Kenapa ko takder awek? Ko gay ke?"

That's and big L stamp on my head.

Why is it such a bother to some people that I don't lingering around with girl?

Why is it such a bother that I prefer to stay at home watching japanese drama than dating?

Why is it such a bother that I refuse to pick up call/sms during weekend?

Why is it such a bother that I hanging out with my male friends?

Why is it such a bother that I going back home from work alone?

Go fuck yourself for fuck sake!

I'm an introvert character, I spent my time at home during weekend more than a mother of 3, I love Japanese drama, I hate dating, I hate going out during weekend, and I love my home.

I found it so difficult for some people especially women to accept that i socialize more with my computer than i socialize with people. I choose people i hanging out with even so, i just could find any reason to turn any invitation from those familiar people. I don't have explanation for that and i don't have to explain it to you.

i hate it when i need to explain myself. Can people just trust me without asking much? Just assume i have my own reason or you could shove your mind that i'm an introvert asshole if that's make you happy.

I wish i could find women like my older sister which trust me without asking much, which could advice me without yelling/shouting, which could get mad at me but hardly saying anything which make me crying of guilt, which love me for bits of good and bad, which i never call her yet still warm up to me everytime i call her asking for help, which i never think twice to do her a favor. for such fine woman, i would sell my soul to get her.

Just stop asking so much question and just trust me. is that so difficult?

Go fuck yourself and stop asking me such question! FUCK!

p/s: i'm furious. i'm tired. i'm a bother.

Why I Should Never Keep Log?

2008-08-12T10:51:00.001+08:00

.......cause I will read it over and over again, ended up with lots of regret. I mean CHAT log.

Yesterday, I was bored to tears when I open an MiRC chat log; a personal message between Mr Y and Miss X. Someone sent it to me. The log was a piece of valuable evidence. The log torn my belief system over people. If I had bad heart, I would died immediately due to heart failure. It's hurtful and deceitful.

*sigh* I hate myself when I let myself down and yesterday was a very bad day where I again sent myself to "hell".

For brief moment, I wish I was dead. Yet, I'm alive and the pain grew all over me. My mood officially spoil. *sigh*

I wish I could share it with someone but details are evil; it will change people's perspective. Just let me bury myself in this feeling. Let me indulge the pain, let me drown. *sigh*

The Archer

2008-08-11T09:02:00.001+08:00

So I watched opening ceremony of Beijing 2008. Wasn't impressed me much except they make use of light at best! I still think Athens 2004 had one hell of opening ceremony compared to what Beijing had done. Nevertheless, I been set my eyes to Korean archers since Sydney 2000 and now i finally moved to next stage in knowing them. Known well in providing best archer in the sport, Korean archers had been excel in Olympic since the first introduction to the sport in Olympic. I keen to get know their female archer which so cute yet very intimidating in their performance. My favorite archer in my opinion is:

Yun Ok Hee - Korea

Look at her panda's chest protector and pink bow, you never thought that she's one of the best archer in the world. She so cute yet she's so intimidating when she doing her business! (ok2, she's just my taste). I had been seeing her since Sydney but couldn't get her name that time. I miss most of Athens 2004 so hardly see her.

Ok, that's my rumbling for today. Will update more if i have the time and the mood~!

Vaca-Time

2008-08-07T10:10:00.000+08:00

So i went to Tioman with [spam]ers united! and went to Lata Kinjang & Cameron with fellow office mate. It's within 3 weeks and i'm gone for various adventure. July and August was/is gonna be interesting!

Lata Kinjang & Cameron Trip (02 August - 03 August)

9 of us (including photographer)

Air terjun yang sejuks banget!

BBQ ayam, sotong dan errr...orang. :P

Cameron Valley - Bharat Tea

Parkland Hotel

BOH Tea Plantation

BOH Tea Centre, Sungei Palas

Obligatory group photo!

Was one hell of a journey. Hehehe.

Tioman trip with [spam]ers united! (18 July - 20 July)

Jeti Tekek: Where it's all start

Truck which make my ass flat!

Kg Juara; chalet and "nest" for next 2 days

The night shot with jetty background

Snokerling trip

Indecent exposure!

Welcome to the dark side!

Night activities

Baptism of fire!

Going back the next day

Bye bye Tioman!

Now, that's the reason why I'm away for 3 weeks. Planning, packing, unpacking, walking, running, camwhoring, bla bla bla takes up alot of energy. Till next post.

Tioman Trip: RM 250 per person (10 pax)
Cameron Trip: RM 120 per person (9 pax)

This is gonna make someone scream!

2008-07-10T10:27:00.000+08:00

I got myself this new thing which will make somebody screaming, check it out anyway!

This new home jersey give me a blues of retro and brand new feeling. the collar design reminds me of retro style which had been imposed in 70's and even 80's while the brand new jersey gave me brand new feeling. i love the white liver bird crest inside, near the collar which write "This is Anfield". On the back side of the white liver bird crest, there are golden liver bird crest. Adidas produce jersey for Chelsea, Milan and even Real Madrid but none of them have something like what Liverpool Jersey has.

I have to admit the Carlsberg font really make the shirt lively compare to Samsung and Bwin on Chelsea and Real shirt. But still, i'm waiting for their European shirt. I really hope their europen shirt would be as attractive as green-white shirt and black-red shirt as they have 2 years back.

But the away jersey wasn't that impressive. It's gray in color. Ugh...bad color just like when Arsenal have their golden color jersey. It's just too much. I don't want to post the picture here and pretty much google image would help you with that. This season home jersey looks really attractive unlike last season which the stupid collar get in the way. the "v" collar is really retro.

Summer!!!

2008-07-09T15:12:00.000+08:00

It's summer!! yeah, in Malaysia doesn't make any different whether it's summer or winter cause we're fucking tropical.

What different during summer/winter/spring/fall is new JDorama. Recently finish watching Around 40. It's a good JDo with Yuki Amami (Top Caster, Queen of Classroom) and Otsuka Nene (Iryu 2) in it. Two hot, matured women is the answer. Beside, they could really act which pleasant to the mind also. It's about women in their late 30 who trying hard to get married. If you think this dorama is about comedy, you almost got it wrong. There are some cynically funny moment but most of the time, the story is serious about how women in their late 30 trying to find their way out of their single life. It's a confusing age i must say since you're ready to leave hanky panky lifestyle but do you really want to commit to life as an adult?

Eventhough it's serious but it had been told in lighthearted way which ease to my mind to digest. There are some boring moment, a bit dragging but i must say this kind of kitchen sink realism drama is a definite watchable drama. Wasn't a really great drama but still leave behind few things for you to think of. It had its cute moment and chemistry between Ogata and Okamura kinda worked out but i still think Kekkon Dekinai Otoko a definite benchmark for this kind of genre work at best.

Owh..i get my L license. another month to go and i will sit for P license assessment. Life is relaxing lately and i'm always go to office late cause i will get hooked up with Rudy and JJ in morning show. I especially waiting for their Gotcha segment. It makes my day really. Till then, i will tell more about Summer JDo and wrapped up about Spring JDo. Summer mostly filled in with good JDo, so i will spent more time talking about JDo than anything else.

p/s: hahahaha. lots of people dunno what to comment on my JDo entry, wonder why? :P

Off to National Park

2008-07-02T09:32:00.001+08:00

9 of us (photographer included)

Off we go to National Park (Taman Negara) last weekend with my officemate. 9 of us off to Kuala Tahan as early as 7 a.m. Stop for refueling at Genting Sempah PETRONAS and another stop at Temerloh R&R for breakfast.

We're full!

We take exit 819 Temerloh and finding our way to Jerantut. From there, we find our way to Kuala Tahan to take boat to Nusa Camp. 5 hours of journey from LRT melati to Kuala Tahan, we reaching there by 12.30 noon. Killing our time with non-sense talk, we take boat to Nusa Camp at 1.30 p.m. My stomach growling.

At Jetty waiting for boat

We order our lunch and marching our butt to chalet. Take a nap because our activities start at 4.00 p.m. with "rapid shooting". Rapid shooting basically consist of journey cruising Sungai Pahang with light boat while main2 air and simbah2 air dekat another boat. Since we in quite big group, we had been divided by 2 boat. We race to get to hulu sungai and hell, we're all wet by the end of the activity. After rapid shooting, we sambung mandi2 at small stream nearby our chalet. more non-sense talk and laughing along the way. we really laugh our heart out and man, all the tension gone.

BBQ!

At night, we have our BBQ session. For the activities, we plan to play Truth or Dare. After 2 person do the dare, nobody really want to do the dare anymore so all of us going for the truth. Shocking confessions all around. start with laughter and we ended up with serious discussion about our future. Of course it's not about work! At the end of the day, we're full and entertaining.

Mandi-manda

Next day, woke up at 7 cause we will have our jungle trekking to Abai Waterfall at 9.00 a.m. it's gonna be 1 and half hour walking through jungle before reaching there. Talking about jungle trekking, lots of pacat will accompany us. After the hard walking, we finally reach Abai Waterfall by 11. It's damn cold! Going back at 12.00 noon. Reaching chalet by 1.30 p.m. and cleaning ourself and ready to check out.

After Lunch

After having our lunch at 2.30 p.m., we take our boat back to Kuala Tahan at 3.30 p.m. Reaching KL by 9 p.m. after dinner stop at Genting Sempah. All in all, it's a good trip and enjoyable vacation which cost us RM 250 per person including food. It's a good experience and we wish to continue this kind of vacation to fill our time. i must say it's a good start.

Euphoria of Spain & CHANGE

2008-06-30T10:48:00.000+08:00

My life is running with high tension of endorfin right now. 2 things which make me waiting each day to come and today was the happiest day for me. 2 reasons for my happiness are:

Spain - EURO 2008 Champion

WOW!, unbelievable EURO 2008 to be exact with lots of drama. Spain finally winning their major silverware after 44 years. Truth is, i never expect Spain to win and i always crossed my fingers while watching Spain played. The title of "Underachiever" haunted my dream of seeing Spain get through in EURO 2008.

But with the best team Spain have, they manage to squeeze their way to the final and eventually outwit the mighty Germany. Germany who play so excellent to outplay Portugal in quarter final wasn't in their best form in final. Torres is the man as he score the only goal but with the possession that Germany has, they should have more shot on goal. Germany in total has 4 shot and only one shot at the goal with 52% ball possession for the whole 90 minutes. Spain on the other hand has 13 shot with 7 shot on goal, 48% ball possession. Germany control the game but from the gameplay point of view, they lose their cool as soon as Torres score. The calm and cool side of Germany crumble upon time ticking away. If they calm down and regroup, the final would be much entertaining. It's one-sided final in my opinion. What euphoric about the final is 44 years of waiting for Spaniard ended by a player they called "El Nino". Torres scores the most important goal in the competition for Spain!

CHANGE - Takuya Kimura latest drama

For weeks, i download CHANGE and waiting the whole drama to be ready before i watch it. After some "bakar-membakar" by my fellow housemate, i watch it anyway and it turns out GOOD! Now, i'm impatiently waiting for new episode to be subbed and today, Massuki Fansub finished subbing episode 7. Wahhhhhhh...can't wait to download new episode! It's about politics but it's Takuya drama which hardly disappointed me and makes politics interesting. It will be aired until 10 episode.

Synopsis from Drama Wiki - CHANGE

The story begins with the deaths of ruling party's Fukuoka legislator and his eldest son, his heir apparent, in an accident. It is decided that a by-election will be held, and Kanbayashi Masaichi, the leader of the ruling party, and secretary Miyama Rika conceive the idea of fielding the second son, Asakura Keita, who had been renounced by his father.

After Keita graduated from senior high school, he went on to a university in Nagano because he wanted to live in a place with beautiful stars, and eventually became an elementary school teacher over there. Well-liked by children and satisfied with his beloved star gazing, Keita has no interest in the world of politics. However, at Rika's persuasion and the pressure of his family, he reluctantly decides to announce his candidacy.

Upon returning to Fukuoka, Keita is given a hearty welcome by supporters. The election strategist, Nirasawa Katsutoshi, arrives there. He is guided by the notion "election is the only permitted legal war" and begins Keita's election campaign.

------------------------------------------------

Now, can't wait for these kind of days to come again. :)

Chalk & Cheese Banner

2008-06-26T11:35:00.001+08:00

Chalk & Cheese new banner. Try to upload it to make it as a banner in this blog. Ah...trying to change how things work in here.

this folder was last updated at....

2008-06-23T16:11:00.001+08:00

Microsoft Outlook exchange server down today. Not a surprise on Monday but below picture will tell how bad it was:

9.11 A.M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now it's 4.09 p.m.

For F**K sake, the day gone for a waste. I have no meeting hence boredom was mounting. I miss my spam email group which entertain me most of the time.

FAIL!

[UPDATE - 4.53 p.m.]
Reply/notification from IT Helpdesk:

Dear Mr,

Please be informed that we are currently experiencing power fluctuation issue at our Data Center which resulted in unavailability and/or intermittent connection to the MS Outlook e-mail services.

We are currently facing certain issues with regards to users accessing Central Exchange Server. To ensure business continuity for the users in terms of messaging, the following will be performed :

1. Create blank mailboxes

To ensure that COMPANY users will still be able to send and receive emails, a blank mailbox will be created. For those impacted users, you will see that your mailbox is temporarily empty with no previous emails.

2. Merge Previous Emails

Progressively, these affected mailboxes will be merged with the restored copy for resumption of previous emails. This may take up to 3 to 4 days of restoration time.

Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience caused and we thank you for your patience.

Regards,

IT Helpdesk

F**K! FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Hate Wedding Reception

2008-06-23T10:08:00.000+08:00

I hate wedding reception because:

1) Lots of people which I don't know - I hate strangers
2) Lots of people which I barely know - I hate to act friendly
3) Lots of people - I hate crowded place
4) Lots of noise - I hate noisy place
5) Lots of cameras - I hate people camwhoring
6) Lots of makeup - I hate fake face
7) Lots of children - I hate noisy place
8) Lots of people moving around - I hate crowded and noisy place

In conclusion, I hate wedding reception.

How I Spent Time on My Birthday?

2008-06-16T09:53:00.001+08:00

14 June again. A few wishes from siblings and friends. So, how i spent time on my birthday this year?

Rerun GTO for 20+ times.

I miss Tomoko's cuteness and Onizuka's exaggerated facial expression.

Playing Yugi Oh PC Game.

Got Blue Eyes White Dragon card. The ultimate cards for now!

Watching EURO 2008's Spain Vs Sweden.

Owh, the mighty Spain winning against defensive Sweden. Torres and Villa scored, Villa bagged 4 goals till now making him the top scorer for EURO 2008 (the number of goals Milan Baros score which earned him the Golden Boot in EURO 2004). Hope more goals from Villa as i pray Spain will progress to Semi Final and Final eventually.

Life wasted! Hahahaha.

Does It?

2008-05-28T09:22:00.000+08:00

Does it meaningless to ask forgiveness when it's too late?

Does honesty really matters? I mean REALLY MATTERS?

Does love ever exist? Or is it just lust?

Does telling lies is the only way to survive?

Does beauty really in the eyes of the beholder?

Does hatred is new age euphemism for MOTIVATION?

Does being adult is boring?

Does it?

Who Am I?

2008-05-26T09:39:00.000+08:00

Adek make me do this. Again. Ahahhahaa.

The Rules :
1. Each blogger must post these rules first.
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged, and to read your blog.

Fact #1: JDo Freak
He love JDo. Most people know it. He could watch the whole season in one go. Crazy? He has lots of time to kill.

Fact #2: Sensitive
He's a sensitive guy. He attentive to things but he care less to make people notice of this quality which is make him much more inpredictable. he was a crybaby and he still is.

Fact #3: Internet & PC
He love surfing internet. He love virtual world. He hardly survive without PC and internet.

Fact #4: He's a loner
he love to hang out with friends but most of the time, he just want to be alone. He love flirting but he hardly hold on. He also doesn't know whether he could fix his mind to one person and one person only at a time which make it difficult for him to be in a relationship.

Fact #5: Easily bored
he's a superficial human. he only love things when it's simple. the same goes to works, love, family and life. he love to simplify things which sometimes others don't like it. he hates details which make him restless. he love jumping around from a topic to another (you could sense this while talking to him). Hence, he hardly deeply in love ergo, he hardly hold on to anybody. he has friends but he always feel alone.

Fact #6: Blunt
he can be blunt. He can says the blunt truth without considering what others feels. he just want to be honest but it seems honesty wasn't a quality people looking for.

Fact #7: Inferiority Complex
he has inferiority complex. he has no confidence eventhough he might appear strong and cold. he crumble under his inferiority complex in front of the one he love which make him look weak and useless. he hate himself very much when he's weak. he appears cold and unfriendly so that people don't know that he's weak and wish not to know people whom might in love with him which make him weak again.

Fact #8: He's poetic
He's quite good at making people flatter. He's quite a flirt but hardly obvious (or at least that what he think of). He has the gift of making decent conversation yet he reluctantly manipulate that.

Choose the next 8?
Anyone who read this.

Words: Do I Really Mean It?

2008-05-25T08:04:00.000+08:00

WORDS. People said that i'm quite "wordy". Even got the same comments from my english & BM teacher last time. When i could put things in simple words, i choose not. I choose those BIG WORDS which make the sentence complicated. Even so, i'm way far from being poetic, i'm being dramatic instead.

WORDS lead me to problems. Often, i had been receiving comments. WORDS are all i have. WORDS are characters without meaning. WORDS that i use to deceive others, being a total jerk. Some even question, did i really mean everything i said? Did i really mean everything i write?

Truth is, i also don't know whether i truly mean it. I bet few people reading this must be pissed off. As i wrote things or utter things, i truly mean it. It's unbelievable, isn't it?

But as time change, the feeling change. Even in smallest scale of things, i easily compensate to my feeling. That's my weakness.

It's hard to keep my interest as i always seeking for new excitement. I hardly settle down (read: my feeling). I love emotion roller coaster though i hate being shouted at. Sometimes i want to talk serious things, sometimes i just let the child in me mess the talk.

I'm not lying, just my feeling change. How could i stop that? I try to stay rational which make me stiff. It bored me to death. When i'm being rational, i will be cruel and annoyingly sarcastic.

I wonder why i write this. People who know me don't need my explanation, for those who don't know me won't listen to this.

Think that you know me? Heck, even i don't know myself.

Ibu & Anak

2008-05-19T12:52:00.000+08:00

She is the youngest one in family which means she is also the most stubborn one. She have inferiority complex which she couldn't shake it off until now. She's improving but the damage had been done. She's not a bright student, not a good daughter also but she give her best attention to mom.

Mom didn't realize it, mom even said she couldn't handle her. Mom being mom is just cruel. She been said as a cause that contribute to mom high BP problem. She just swallow it, leading to more damage that mom could think of. She's not a bright student, she feel useless about herself and always comparing herself with other brother and sister. Mom figuratively kick her out by sending her to older sister home. Mom couldn't handle her, mom said it.

She was full of anger, blaming herself all the time. The pressure mounting on her as nobody really pay attention to her life. Nobody hope anything from her. She was a failure, an unwanted child. But the older sister took up the challenge. Cause they're sisters, the older sister couldn't let the youngest sister commit to more damage. She guide her, she love her, she talk to her as one human talk another human, she cry with her and she laugh with her. She putting the hope in her, she putting the manner in her, she putting the love in her.

The youngest sister is now a beautiful persona, a rebel with cause. She passionate about her family especially about mom. Mom love her, the thing she missed for long. She's a hot blood justice, she speaks up for herself and others.

She, once being tossed out come back to mom's good grace.

It's a hard, long nightmare which she wakes up and come back to her sense. She's the man!

p/s: tribute to youngest sister of mine. I love you so much! Keep your chin up.

Foolproof

2008-05-12T12:52:00.001+08:00

Foolproof by definition:

goofproof: proof against human misuse or error; "foolproof this appliance"

not liable to failure; "a foolproof identification system"; "the unfailing sign of an amateur"; "an unfailing test"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Foolproof as it appears is not tolerate to failure or in simpler manner, a none-failure or in the simplest form of words would be; PERFECT.

Perfection. I'm not going to talk about any computer system or procedure or regulation (well, when talking about foolproof, it's always about system) but about belief system.

There are no foolproof belief system as there are none of things in this world near to perfection. Friend of mine having internal fight with himself for stop himself from cross the boundary. She belongs to someone and he is single. They are friend and the assurance that the belief system of her is foolproof is total bullshit. I believe that she could be loyal but whether the loyalty could be really hold still if he keep on going, I'm very much doubt that.

i couldn't shake off the fact that he and she will ended up together. We talk about this and he pretty much don't like the idea of it. He believe in her belief system to be foolproof but things with emotion is hard to predict.

And possibilities of one small appreciative gesture, smile and talk would lead to total change in their life story are the most that i could help him to realize. he realize that but the dejavu of past experience haunt him. She really resembled the one he likes before. She is completely mirror image of his past. He couldn't shake her off of his mind but reality bites hard.

He's asking for consultation and i only provide the blunt truth. I won't hide as i know where this could bring him. It's not a hard decision to be cold to her but to eventually do that is hard. Who's in the right mind willing to let the best of things?

He in dilemma. Should he go on with fragile foolproof belief system of her by hoping nothing eventually happened or should he let her go by keeping his distance.

He knows the answer best. Break a leg, bro.

Turning Point

2008-04-29T12:18:00.000+08:00

Petang ni jumpa manager dari east coast. hopefully, something fruitful from the discussion nanti. Dah tanya boss, dia tak kisah cuma after Julai baru boleh. Hopefully current projects ni finish la by end of June. Sakit jiwa dah aku melayan benda-benda ni semua.

reason for not updating the blog, aku memang busy gile sepanjang boss takde. Tak duduk kat tempat pun since meeting merata tempat. And nak update blog ni amik masa sikit so bertambah2 la perasaan reluctant nak update blog.

Yang penting sekarang, minggu ni nak pergi makan kat Williams. yeah, this is the most awaiting event every month. Last month aku makan Salmon Grill with bang bang sauce, memang besar la salmon block tu, kenyang macam nak mati. the month before makan sirloin steak. the month before lagi, makan pasta seafood. tak sabarnya nak makan kat Williams. 30th April ni!

EE dah keluar dari rumah, ada satu bilik kosong (twin sharing). Sesape nak masuk rumah, sila contact aku. Sewa monthly around RM 160 - RM 200 (including utilities) tapi bilik share dgn sarip. ada astro, internet, mesin basuh, water heater and lots of things shared in network *wink* *wink*.

Tengah hari ni, aku akan lunch sambil tonton House episode latest! Yeah, kat rumah tengah download Survivor Fiji and The L Words season 1. JDo spring dah start, ada few JDos yang aku tengah have my eyes on. Few good JDos really.

Lapar, nak gi me"nyetan" kat iSetan. wakakaka.

Men are nothing without them

2008-04-11T09:50:00.001+08:00

Women.

Period. Men are nothing without them. Or at least what some smart ass philosophical scholar had been shoving to my mind.

Adek made me do this, i was writing this type of entry before but not bother to find the entry anymore. People changes. Period. Fullstop.

What i look in a woman?

Physical:

1) Round Face. I have soft spot with round face woman. Whether it's fair skin, sawo matang, or dark complexion, round face always manage to attract me one way or another.

2) Cheeky smile. I love woman with cheeky smile. I don't like elegant smile (ok, i lie but i don't really prefer beautiful/elegant woman). Cheeky as in cute. Like Nagasawa Masami. very cheeky smile, blur face.

3) A bit plump. Round face normally come with a bit plump body. Yes, i'm not into skinny girl.

4) Wearing spectacles. If i saw a woman wearing spectacle (the oldies, 70's kind of spectacle with thick,black plastic frame), i will immediately look at her for a second time. This criteria basically manage to overwrite all other criteria if i find the spectacles really suite her face.

Mental:

1) Independent. I need a woman whom could live on their own without she have me. I'm an ass so i always love to neglect woman i love. give it for my friends, or my work or my family or my jdorama. She is after all those 4. Sorry love, i know them first before i know you. I could tolerate with her need if she ask me to.

2) Tell me what you want. Seriously, if you said "nothing", i will take it as "nothing". I know she might had been thinking something but life is not worth the hassle to dig she up to tell me that. If she need something, just say so. I take no hint, so don't request me to guess what does she want from me.

3) Cool. I'm a pessimist by nature, lack of confidence, i always running away from love problem. I need someone whom could talk the sense to me without shouting or anger all over it. I hardly get angry with the one i love (even if i angry, i won't tell because i just swallow it) so i really hope she could do the same. the more she mad at me, the more i'm running away from her. I always think of failure, the negative side of thing, the same goes to relationship. If you see i'm a coward, indeed i'm. About love, i'm such a coward eventhough i appear brave. I'm extra sensitive towards love and make me more insecure than any guy for any girl ever meet. I have confidence problem, that's the bottom line.

4) Matured. I hate to be shouted at, nor i would do that to her. Always, the other side get mad for my negligence, my carelessness and my insensitivity towards her feeling. I have to admit that i'm the one whom you need to tell so that i could do something. Reason being, i try to push myself for once and she say she hate me forever cause i'm a control freak. after that, i let her decide what she wants from me. Don't shout, don't let your anger out, talk to me rationally. FYI, i'm already immune to that and i can ignore things like that. Talk to me like mature adult and you probably get what you want ( to date, only my older sister could talk sense to me. that's what a mature woman look like).

I don't mind how people treating me cause i will swallow every single thing you said. With friends, i always say what i feel. But with the one i love, i always hide it. It's hard to say that cause she easily get offended. If you ask me to treat you like my friend, be open minded and i shall show you who i'm truly am.

Love != Friend. I wish i could have friend as my love but that's hard to happen. Period.

p/s: i hate get shouted at. Period. the more you mad at me, the faster i'm running away from you. tell me what you want, i'm not ahlil nujum.

Proposal Daisakusen SP

2008-04-09T14:33:00.000+08:00

The most anticipated SP for Proposal Daisakusen is available now. I truyl feel Proposal Daisakusen is a worthy love story to watch. Reason being, Nagasawa Masami in there. Shoot, she's cute and her face when she's mad drive me crazy.

Wasn't she cute? Ok, i couldn't help myself with round face girl.

Anyway, Proposal Daisakusen SP finally conclude what will happen after that. The after effect of Kenzo confession, whether Rei really going for Kenzo, how Eri and Tsuru conclude their relationship, was it a success or a failure. As for me, Nagasawa Masami as the main cast give me enough reason to watch this. Another reason would be i already watch the whole series and i won't miss this SP after the cliffhanger they pull at the end of the series. No way i miss this!

I can't further talking without revealing the whole story but for people who frustrated with the whole going-back-but-never-able-to-confess, this SP would provide the avenue for that to end and they pull this nicely indeed. Overall, this is amongst the best jdorama i watch last year. Yurp, they could do better but the storyline really close to me as if i could feel the same as Kenzo feel. Strange enough, i keep cheering Kenzo eventhough i can predict he will come back to the past again to redeem his mistake. It might be useless but i could see how things could be develop slowly as Kenzo realize how he feel about Rei. Well, all in all, this SP happen to make me have my *sob* moment. Ok, it's lame but what the hell!

Hardsubbed Torrent Link: Proposal Daisakusen SP

Torrent Search at D-Addicts: Proposal Daisakusen Torrent

Subtitle Thread at D-Addicts: Proposal Daisakusen Subtitle (Series)

p/s: Nagasawa Masami will be a cast in Spring 2008 Jdo title Last Friends.

System & Stress: Big WHY for Maintenance

2008-04-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

Today, the printer server in my office "gone" for almost half day. It quite a chaos as finance staff in their peak season working on their audit. In the chaotic situation, comes so called scapegoat, the IT maintenance guy. He come to the office to meet with my superior but ended up solving issue on printer server. I swear to GOD that most people that time surely will curse him along the way for all the unnecessary stress contribute by the "death" of printer server. It wasn't his fault really but the tense is piling up.

For any system be it computer system or manual system, maintenance is really vital in ensuring unnecessary stress building up amongst users of the system. As we in technological advanced era, everything had been computerized from bookkeeping to customer behaviour. Even the most advanced technology in computing enable decision making assistance tool to run complex analysis within seconds. More advanced a system, more resources will be use thus interdependencies between system component crucial.

Concept like distributed computing, distributed database, mirror server, security patches and SQL queries optimization are among methods to improve percentage of system availability. As the rule of thumb goes, no matter how good any method being used, a regular scheduled maintenance needed to ensure the method in place work as expected.

System unavailability clearly contribute to unnecessary stress to users. Often, works that should be completed on time delayed due to system. Pressure from management to deliver results drive most people insane to meet dateline. System unavailability as always happen in company in frequent case involved email server which resulting in delay of information thus push the work that could be solved on the same day to the day after. The stress from error message popping up for every now and then together with time taken for users to realize that system unavailable by far contribute most to irritate users. Lack of immediate communication by maintenance party frustrated users most of the time since users will keep trying for not knowing that the system unavailable.

In time of peak season, system unavailability is in the top list together with electricity unavailability and "missing" air conditioning. In recent observation that had been done, user motivation drop rapidly when system unavailable. All planned activities need to be revised hence force unnecessary interruption to workload in user responsibility.

Unnecessary stress contribute by system unavailability also derived from top management which required milestone to be achieved by staff. In very competitive industry, man hours spent in finishing projects distinguish between a successful project and a fail project. Extra man hours equal to extra liability and cost to management. In some project especially in construction field, longer time to wrap up a project foresee the company need to pay their client compensation for late wrap up. Top management as always won't be happy for any unnecessary additional cost which could be avoided. Accumulating total man hours, we will be shocking on how much cost that company need to bear for every incident of system unavailability occurred. Scenario-based analysis for man hours calculation effect to cost as per example below:

Example:
Situation: Email exchange server unavailable for 1 and half hour.

Variables:
1) Staff affected = 100 staff
2) Time waste = 90 minutes
3) Pay for an executive per month = RM 2,000
4) Total working days per month = 24 days
5) Working hours per day = 8 hours

Calculation:

100 staff x 90 minutes = 9,000 minutes

|
\/

9,000 minutes/60 minutes = 150 hours

|
\/

150 hours/8 hours = 18.75 days

|
\/

18.75 days/24 days x RM 2,000 = RM 1,562.50

Conclusion: Company wasted 18.75 working days which totaled up to RM 1,562.50 monetary lost for 1 and half hour system unavailability.

From example, we could easily see the accumulated man hours could directly incurred lost to company. In intangible view, late submission of contract document or delayed respond in replying customer inquiries affect company image which in long run affect product or service market share offered by company. Through grapevine and user recommendation in internet may derive on how a company dealing with customer and certainly system unavailability issue should never be brought up to customer as an excuse for any delay. It might be the best excuse given but when it had been used too much, customers trust over brand will deteriorate.

Re-active & Pro-active Approach
Reactive approach as the term define as approach once the incident occurred. Reactive approach will be use by any means since computerized system will have unpredictable problem. Reactive approach required fast and temporary fix which enable the system before further investigation could be done. Experience system technicians and engineers are required in hot seat to cater the problem on site. Immediate communication between system administration is required to lesser the irritation in users' mind. Example of re-active approaches are on-site troubleshoot, customer log problem, quarantine and many more.

Pro-active method as the name suggest include proper planning, scheduled maintenance, scheduled downtime and regular check up. Pro-active approach suggest action on preventing system downtime to occur more than targeted percentage. Since it's involved prevention, the method carefully studied on how the system could be improve in the long run for expansion taking into consideration system availability percentage. It's almost an exhaustive exercise as when the business change, the requirement for system would be affected thus a good pro-active approach would consider on any business change within certain period of time. Example of pro-active approaches are SQL query optimization, data mirror, backup power supply, distributed database and many more.

As conclusion, it's not an easy job to be the maintenance guy but someone need to do it anyway. Get us out from constant agonies.

A Picture Worth Thousand Words

2008-03-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

Tell me what do you think?

I can't stop laughing while posting this picture. HOMOSEXUALITY ACT IN NATIONAL NEWSPAPER is what i think. If you could see Ahmad Said really look passionate to kiss Idris Jusoh while Idris trying his best to remain calm but to no avail. Gosh, they could have captured better shot than this.

For good read on Sufiah's issue (with cynical opinion), refer to Effi's Blog.

Yeah, Malaysia Boleh!

Shojo Manga Freak!

2008-03-17T15:16:00.000+08:00

Shit, i read about Fruits Basket (anime & manga) in Wikipedia and i realize Fruits Basket is a shojo manga. Definition of shojo:

term for manga whose main target group is girls. (In West this categorisation seems to be even more blurred than in Japan.) Compare with shônen.
From: www.tonakaistudio.com/anime/dictionary.html

I realize that i'm more keen towards Shojo manga than Shonen manga. Shonen manga is manga targeted for boys and male teens. I couldn't help to love Fruits Basket as i first watch the anime in UTP.

Synopsis:
Fruits Basket follows the life of high-school student Tohru Honda, who was recently orphaned when her mother, Kyoko Honda, died in a car accident. After that, Tohru lived with her grandfather, but when his house needs remodeling, Tohru resorts to living in a tent in a forest and holds down a job to support herself. Despite suffering many hardships, Tohru remains optimistic.

One day, Tohru comes upon a house in the forest that is the home of her classmate Yuki Sohma and his older cousin Shigure Sohma. When the Sohmas discover that Tohru is living in a tent, they are quite surprised by her inner strength. The entire area is Sohma property, and Tohru asks to be allowed to stay in her tent (affectionately dubbed "her castle"). Feeling sorry for her and desperate to end their bachelor days of filthy living conditions, the Sohmas offer her their spare room in exchange for cooking and housework. After a landslide buries her tent, including her mother's picture and school clothes, she has no option but to accept. Soon after she moves in, Kyo Sohma comes to challenge Yuki.

Tohru soon discovers the Sohma family's secret, and the reason why Yuki is so private and secretive at school: thirteen members of the family are possessed by the 12 animal spirits of the Chinese Zodiac (jyūnishi in Japanese) plus the spirit of the cat who was, according to legend, left out of the Zodiac. They transform into animals when hugged by the opposite sex or when put under a great deal of emotional or physical stress (such as being sick). When she promises to keep their secret, the Sohmas allow Tohru to keep her memories rather than hypnotically erasing them, a fate that had previously befallen anyone not "Inside" the Sohma family who had discovered the secret.

I'm totally in love with Honda Tohru and the Sohma family. The anime so powerful, it could make you cry and laugh within minutes. Not to mention, the OST help to get you in the mood. The mellow starting song with powerful lyrics will make your heart melt. The anime rather much better than the manga as the anime lowered down most of the dark element in most of the characters. The anime last for 26 episodes and eventhough lot of fans requesting for another season, the producer seems will never produce the second season. The manga much interesting as the synopsis that i read this morning. The manga drill deep into all characters with more characters in present. The ending also conclude the whole story in manga version while in anime version, the ending just until Tohru meet Akito in Sohma main family house.

Anyhow, the most adorable character in Fruits Basket is Momiji and Kisa. They just adorable kids and you couldn't help to say, "Kawaii desu" eventhough Momiji could get to your nerves with his high pitch voice. All in nutshell, it's damn funny and revealing anime. Now, i'm downloading the manga and will finish it as soon as possible. hahahaha.

Manga Download Link - Fruits Basket

Second Shojo Manga (not yet produce into anime) is Beauty Pop.

Synopsis:
The manga is about the life of a naturally talented hairstylist named Kiri Koshiba and her problems with the Scissors Project (S.P.), a group of boys determined to become the best makeover team in Japan.

This manga had been introduced to me by Narulle and since then i'm hooked up to this manga. Really, it's funny to watch this manga.

Manga Download Link - Beauty Pop

And i still wondering why oh why i love shojo manga.

Hope & Change

2008-03-14T08:07:00.000+08:00

While BA picking up at each other, BN currently laughing their ass out and must be said "these people would never be united. They claims that we're intoxicated by powers but they themselves are much intoxicated. Macam kera dapat bunga. hahaha."

Without any doubt, all BN supporters definitely laughing together and keep cursing BA supporters as traitor to nation. Well, i must said, have some faith people. Who said it's going to be easy? Who said it's going to be smooth transition? No one.

Indeed, it reminds me the way Malaya wrapping up our first election. Just by small faith that Perikatan worked it out despite every party to themselves and care about their own race, the same situation couldn't be any close image of that first election image. It's not going to be easy but with communication, BA will manage to work it out. To all BA supporters and all one-the-fence supporters who currently disgusted by current situation, just put our faith to them. Anyway, it's a brand new alliances and to work it out, BA will need time.

Truth is, i don't care much about their manifesto. If you claiming much about manifesto, even BN never delivered their manifesto till now. Aman, Makmur dan Selamat? Fuck that. Where the "Aman" part when people let their children play outside the house without feel worried. "Makmur"? If constant price hiking, inflation and total corruption are new urban euphemism for "makmur", spot on, we have that "makmur". "Selamat"? Even a grown up not safe anymore outside their house, let alone children.

The things that i care are about more transparency. A country build on corruption will never be prospered. That because you get perhaps only 10% of 100 parts of total (it might even less) and if that is what we got now, wonder what we could get if we got 100% of 100 parts. I guess the math for this equation pretty simple. The one at throne are the biggest thief in this country. Even the BN supporters know this. People aren't blind but the fear that government instill in us make us refuse to change. Well, why change when now is good is what they will say. Well, i will say change for better.

Second, i want to see a Malaysia for Malaysian (which include indons, banglas, pakis, and other immigrant too). BN already rules for half century and racial issue still not in phase of manageable. What they do only sweep the problem under the rug and pray that people will forget. Malaysian never forget for the wound the government had give them and they never would. Ever wonder when Persidangan UMNO (every in PWTC), they talk about Malay supremacy while indirectly (sometimes directly) insulting Chinese and Indians on national TV. Don't they ever wonder if Chinese and Indians offended by their statement? We don't even care how we feels thus how we expect they will care about us?

I myself is racist. I have to admit that. But if we keep our suspicion high while mixing around with each other, we're no more than mere hypocrite. It's not going to be easy, it will be bumpy ride which required sweat, blood, tears, arms and legs to make it happened. Again, i won't be preaching out my faith to you for you to swallow, you can discard it at your will. You can stick with whatever you want to believe and i don't give a fuck about it.

But for those who have the same faith as mine, just keep the faith a bit longer. Be a realist and you will see the alliance need time to work it out and it will totally brand new experience to all of them. again, it won't be easy ride but let us pray it will work it out.

How sure are you that this BA alliance will work it out the change as they preach?
Heck, i don't know. I truly don't. I just hope. Hope is a good thing and good thing never dies. As long as i hope this change will happen, i hope it will happen. Hope is the aspiration when this country built and hope make it a realization. why don't we hope for the change and pray that for once again, it will happen.

Kini dan Sekarang.

Keep posting those prayers UP THERE.

p/s: this will be my last politics entry on post-12th GE. I have enough.

End

2008-03-13T16:46:00.000+08:00

It had been a very revealing month for me. I'm officially single again. Not even long before the relationship work well. It's all ended up and i won't bother to tell it here. Yurp, i'm whatever you said and i will swallow it anyway. it's all my fault. no, i'm the one who can't understand how you want me to be. I apologize for the bad experience. i just hope you could be nicer since your anger is all over you, honey. Apology accepted.

=================================================
in journey to embrace new life, the 12th General Election come. Wow, the biggest thing this year and the miracle of BA winning 5 state couldn't make me happier.

I had been to Kelantan and truthfully i love how PAS make it work in Kelantan. People always got wrong perception about Islamic state as PAS said. It shows how much we don't bother to understand the things they said and pretty much dive in with our shallow knowledge.

When people talk about Qisas & Hudud, they got scared that people will walk around without hands, all those fuckers will be torment to death and nobody will able to work since nobody have hands and half of the population is dead.

You idiots! Learn to swim before you dive in, ignorant bastard.

In Qisas & Hudud, it's only relevant to Muslim thus non-Muslim could stick to their own civil laws. Don't fucking worry about it. We're not going to cut your hand or torment you to death. Since it will be bound for Muslim, will they just cut people hands whom guilty for stealing?

Again, before any verdict in conclusion, Islam required 4 witnesses whom eligible to give statement. The value of items stole also put into consideration which need to exceed certain amount. it's not like they going to cut everybody hands when they found guilty for stealing a pencil price RM 0.50. After that, the reason for the crime committed. If the person commit crime because he has nothing to feed his family, the GOVERNMENT are responsible to provide suitable job to him. After all things are in place, the hearing will start whereby both plaintiff (the one whom accused) and defendant (the one being accused) need to defend themselves. If the defendant found guilty then the punishment will be given. But eventually, the plaintiff could just forgive the felon and asking for compensation instead of the felon being punished. Regarding the witnesses, it might become an arguement how trustable a witness could be thus technology come in handy. We have cctv, dna test, crime lab, forensic expert to testify thus Islam wouldn't neglect those elements in hearing process. Islam is not one religion which reject modernization and technology.

In simplest manner, this is how you put it up.

Plaintiff report crime -> defendant arrested -> crime evidence collection -> hearing -> if guilty, punishment/forgive/compensation

Ever wondering why the punishment so brutal and need to commit in public? Reason being to instill fear in criminal mind and provide good lesson to people whom have intention to commit crime. It could be viewed as barbaric and non-civilized but did we really have solution to current hiking crime rate right now? What the worst could happened to a raper? 5-10 years of prison and then what? they will come out and rape more people than before. what happened to mat rempits whom snatched bags? 4-5 years in prison. Cut those hands and let them not rempiting again. those nymphomaniac will not change easily. With current system we have, we don't have better punishment for those felons and that's the reason any felon don't have fear towards punishment. Hell, even if you're convicted with corruption, you could still be an MP.

People are afraid because what they see is death and lots of cripple when islamic law in place. truth is, once the punishment shown to public, they will scare of committing crime and we will have better society with that. It's barbaric and non-civilized yet it's the best way in punishing those felons.

Ever wonder what happened if you're in power of doing anything to punish those felons (especially those pedophiles whom rape and kill kids), what you will do? don't fucking lie to me saying that you gonna let the civil law do the punishment for you cause all you know is you could just tearing and mince them apart and serve their flesh as dog's food.

I won't preach you to accept islamic law cause i believe it's people choice but before you judge anything, kindly equip yourself with some knowledge. or at least, have some RIGHT ideas about it. it make most people look stupid when they argue on things they don't bother much. i'm also one of them thus that also include me in stupid-arguement-without-knowing-anything bandwagon.

Learning starts now if you don't want to remains stupid forever!

Gutsy Gibbon

2008-03-04T18:20:00.000+08:00

I give Gutsy Gibbon (7.10) a try and i'm kinda liking it. It had been replacing my Kubuntu (Edgy based). My involvement with Ubuntu back dated to 2007 when i want to ensure i learn something every year. A new software, a new OS or perhaps learn to dance (hahaha...in your dream really). So, i give Ubuntu a try since i find Linux is a fear factor to me.

I start with Dapper Drake (6.06) and Edgy Eft (6.10). During that time, i just playing around with LiveCD. Space limitation not allowed me to install Ubuntu. Until i learn about Kubuntu, i finally get myself a better space (with hole on my wallet not to mention) and i finally install Kubuntu.

Kubuntu give me a bit of trouble here and there due to lots of things in Kubuntu different from Ubuntu, at least that what a newbie could see. Easiest example is Kubuntu using Adept while Ubuntu using Synaptic for package management. Everytime i google for Kubuntu solution, most web giving solution for Ubuntu. After some browsing at the office (when i'm totally bored), i found about Gutsy. I download Gutsy and burn a LiveCD.

So, now i'm running this blog from my Gutsy.

p/s: I'm still using my Windows for games and such. I really need to learn to use Ubuntu if i want total conversion to Ubuntu. Anyway, it's a good start with Ubuntu now. Thanks for those people who influenced me to start with Ubuntu.

p/p/s: Gutsy still have problem in detecting my 320GB Seagate HDD which attached through IDE/RAID Card. I wonder how to solve that. My 500GB Western Digital which also attached through IDE/RAID card run smoothly. Some help absolutely needed.

p/p/p/s: Happy voting people!!

My 5 Favorite Links

2008-02-27T08:38:00.001+08:00

Tagged by Adeq, i had been thinking of sharing my favorite links long time ago thus thanks for tagged me.
=================================================================

The Linking Tag Rules

1. List out five favourite links - the links can be of business sites, affiliate links or whatever that suits the blogger.
2. Tag five more people to share their links, so hopefully, at the end of the tag, we would be able to share good links with each other.
3. The links MUST be clean. No X-rated sites.
4. List out only FIVE links.
5. You MUST tell FIVE people you choose.
6. Provide the link back to the person who tagged you.
7. Obviously, it should be an active link.

My 5 favourite links:

1) Kapasitor.Net is a place where you could read poem, stories, blog and other creative materials. It's created by Jojo firstly as personal blog to post his "Aku Budak Setan: Nazihah" masterpiece and grows into an awesome creative content community. I love to read blog, poem and short story. A must read for everyday dose of creative content.

2) My Blog of course! Since i have most of fellow bloggers of mine in the link on the right panel, i always load my blog page first thing in the morning. Also to read the comments & any new shoutout (eventhough i rarely reply to it).

3) Wikipedia now the giant pimp of trustworthy and valid information of the Net. It might be freely edited but with tight regulation and references required to validate articles, it become hot spot for knowledge centre in the Net. Read the news and trivia (facts of the day kinda) and you will amaze to where the article could wiki-hopping you to another articles.

4) English - Japanese Online Dictionary provide a place for freaking Japanophile. The dictionary provide quick references for standard words and the best thing about this dictionary is it accepts *romaji so even if your PC not support Japanese character display & keyboard setup, you could still find the meaning of word using romaji.

*Romaji is way to spell Japanese words using alphanumeric character. Example to try: gomen nasai in Jap -> English.

5) Drama Wiki is among the best wiki for Asian drama. Since this wiki is a project of D-Addicts, it pretty much cover certain countries only which are Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Chinese, Taiwan & Singapore. It provide comprehensive information and updated almost daily with tight guidelines on posting articles. Updates on upcoming dramas giving readers and downloaders on latest drama which would be release in market for upcoming season (in Japanese drama case, they release drama according to winter, fall, summer and spring).

As listed my favorite links when i surf the Net in the office. At home, i have another few links which i frequently visit such as Friendster, EPL, Utusan Malaysia, D-Addicts and few more. You could say i'm a nerd since most of my life is about Internet. Seriously, i wonder how i could survive without Internet in a day. Perhaps that statement ia exaggerating but i could die of boredom without Internet.

Who i want to tag?
Nah...i end the tag game here. :)

Quickie:
Gokusen 3 will be available in Spring 2008. Gokusen 3 Wiki Link.

Secret Saya

2008-02-15T17:59:00.001+08:00

SecretSaya.Com

I dunno how i get to this website but this growing community definitely a place for everyone. Secrets as you could understand is for you only but if you could share it anonymously, why not? It's good to have a place to write your secret anonymously and let others to help you with that. The problem with blog is when people know who you are, you will not comfortable to spill out the bean.

I really love the idea of this website. Perhaps you could give it a try. It's a growing community so please be bear if the comments are only handful. For that reason, we need to get more people there so more secrets and more comments/helps/critics.

I'm not going to tell much about the website. Go and figure out the website~

========================================

About Kubuntu - a linux distribution.

I finished with Kubuntu (thanks to adek a.k.a rearrange kerana meracun aku mencuba Kubuntu) installation in my machine but i have some problem with sound driver and to connect to network. Anyone who have upper hand on this, hope you could help. I'm a newbie and i need people whom can explain things in laymen term. I'm done with google but i hardly get any idea how to solve it.

p/s: Happy Valentine, hunny.

GOD don't play dice

2008-01-21T13:33:00.000+08:00

GOD don't play dice[1] means GOD don't gamble. this statement come to my mind when i watch a JDo title "Cupid No Itazura" or in English "Cupid's Prank". It's a midnight[2] JDo which normally focusing on sex and related stuff to it but this JDo really something. In term of acting, the actor and actress not as "kayu" as normal AV and gravure[3] idols whom always starring in midnight JDo. The storyline and emotions really running high and if it wouldn't for the nudity and softcore pornography element, this JDo really worth to watch for all.

The premise of the story is simple which around Tomo whom only have 7 times chance to experience ejaculation in his life. he suffered from Rainbow Ball disease which only happened to 1 over 1 million people. the story climb up when Tomo meet Reiko whom he love from high school. intervene by Asami's appearance, it become triangle love.

Tomo love Reiko
Asami love Tomo

Asami is the one who discover regarding Tomo's illness and for that reason, she become sympathy with Tomo. Asami hurt so much in her relationship with a married guy seeks salvation from Tomo while Tomo couldn't have the guts to tell Reiko regarding his illness consult Asami on that matter. Desperate to lose his virginity, Tomo tried to rape Reiko.

The storyline rather twisted and i couldn't help to feel sorry for Asami and Tomo. Both seeking salvations for love and being a virgin in his early 20's really put the pressure to Tomo. Asami wrongly involved with the married guy feeling bad about herself. both seeking true love and would want to live happily ever after but it seems normal relationship and normal life just not for them.

I just watch until episode 3 but i will continue regarding this JDo cause i really feel heavily invested (emotionally) into this JDo. This JDo really touching my emotion about love.

Sometimes you just wondering what could be wrong for people who seeking simple life. tomo just want to be loved, so does asami. but with his disease and her double-cross relationship couldn't make those 2 people to be happy. both desperate for happiness yet happiness seems impossible. you couldn't help to notice that asami really just want to be happy yet her relationship make her look like a bitch who snatch other people husband. i really feel sorry for her. not to mention for tomo cause the illness really cause a great deal of pressure to him.

review on this JDo continue when i finish watching this dorama.

Notes:
[1] it's a common jargon for gamblers that "playing dice" is equally a popular term for gambling. as a matter of fact, playing dice is the most famous type of gambling game ever. simplest explanation because cards exist later than dice and dice accompanied early gambling game.

[2] Midnight JDo normally contains sexually explicit contents which suitable for viewer whom could really digest that kind of stuff. It contains softcore pornography elements including front and back nudity but not focusing on groin area.

[3] Gravure idols is a term known for bikini model in Japan.

Jasmine Tea & Kopitiam

2008-01-17T11:10:00.000+08:00

for those who know me well, i'm a tea lover. means, i prefer to drink tea instead of coffee. to justify that, i drink almost all kind of tea. jasmine tea, green tea, black tea, earl grey, ice lemon tea, teh o ais limau, peach tea, teh kekwa (crysenthimume - fuck it, i can't spell it anyway) and lots of others tea.

reason for me to drink tea because at home, mom always bancuh tea instead of coffee. the first time i really drink coffee was when i'm in form 3. before that, i will avoid coffee like crazy.

talking about tea, i found a place where perhaps the best jasmine tea being served. it's in Bangi Kopitiam. The name might deceive you about the location while the real location of that store actually in Wangsa Maju. Just opposite JJ Wangsa Maju, uphill opposite new mosque (yurp, in the shoplot area). It's good to taste good cold tea with jasmine smell to it. Syuk don't like it but i'm so in love with the tea.

Also hanging out with Munir, Kaped and Anon at Old Town Kopitiam in Jalan Yap Kwan Seng (KLCC station for LRT and you need to walk around 5-10 minutes to reach there) which located just in front of Phileo Megan Avenue II. Nice interior design, nice food, affordable price and awesome companions. I order Hazelnut White Coffee which was ok for me (though i'm not too keen in coffee), some curry rice and roti bakar. Really nice treat. The roti bakar really ass kick!

Anyway, Kopitiam (given it Old Town or Bangi) provide a nice place for you to hanging out with friends (and loved one) while enjoying long conversation. For coffee junkies, Kopitiam is an affordable place for you instead of going to San Francisco, Starbuck or Coffee Bean just to replenish your caffiene level. A cup of hazelnut coffee just cost me around RM 3.00+ and i'm quite take a liking to the caffiene beverage.

Jalan-jalan cari makan continue next episode....

p/s: will upload the pitcah later.
p/p/s: nope, i'm not being paid to promote their place.
p/p/p/s: any speculation consider void and null.

Twisted Logic

2008-01-14T11:19:00.000+08:00

Pick the worst:

all of them are Muslim.

1) a young female (most probably underage) partying and eventually the pictures of the event circulating over the internet. One of the picture is a picture of her holding a bottle of Carlsberg beer. Whether she drink the beverages, still in unknown status.

2) a male performer strip his shirt in a public concert.

3) a couple kissing passionately and eventually some paparazzi got their pictures. both of them are well known actor and actress.

So, pick the worst. i dunno what or why but malaysian seems to have twisted logic. our entertainment reporter seems to bashing the male performer who strip his shirt with rather larger coverage than the young female issue. not to mention, the couple who do the kissing easily let go by the media. if that wasn't twisted enough, i dunno what you would call that.

------------------------

i'm bored so another tag game.

I

This linky love trail rules:-When you got tagged, you have to add your name to people who had done the tag and and let the list grow!

Those Who Dunnit
Limadang.com
RamblingMoo.com
blogginginmypyjamas
StylewithPassion
Chinneeq
Dora-zooropazoo
Babyshern
Farah (me)
Bani gundu
Frankensteina
Diyanazman
Najmy <3<3<3..haha
AyaqMasakOMGWTFBBQSAUCE
hana ni mo nai
LindoshSlebet
cepotet
Ummi
Soraya
mangifera

II

First name: Mohd Ridzuan
Nickname: dueng, wan, mangi, mangifera.
Name you wish you had: Nelly, Fleming.
What do people normally mistake your name as: mang-i or maggi instead of the proper pronounciation of ma-ngi.
Birthday: 14th June 1984 (Gemini)
Birthplace: Kuantan, Pahang
Time of Birth: 5.23 a.m.
Parents together or divorced: Together
Get along with them: Have our "friendly" arguement sometimes.
Single or taken: Taken.
Zodiac: Gemini

Your appearance

How tall are you: 173 cm or 1.73 m.
Wish you were taller: Nope.
Eye color: black
Eye color you want: black
Natural hair color: Black
Current hair color: black
Short or long hair: short hair
Ever dye your hair a bizarre color: Never
Curly, straight, wavy: straight
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair: almost botak
Glasses or contacts: glasses
Do you wear make-up: nope
Ever had hair extensions: Never
Paint your nails: never

The opposite gender

What eye color: brown/hazel/grey
What hair color: black/red/brunnete
Shy or Outgoing: both
Looks or Personality: both
Sexy or Cute: cute
Serious or Fun: both
Older or Younger: doesn't matter really
A turn on: cheeky smile, a bit chubby, watery small lips, fair skin
A turn off: too dependent, too childish, smoker.

This or That

Flowers or Chocolates: both
Pepsi or Coke: both
Rap or Rock: rock
Relationship or One-night Stand: both
School or Work: both
Love or Money: both
Movies or Music: both
Country or City: both
Sunny or Rainy days: both
Friends or Family: both

Have you ever...

Lied: yes, lots of them.
Stole something: yes.
Smoked: Never
Hurt someone close to you: yes.
Broke someone's heart: yes.
Had your heart broken: yes.
Wished you were a prince/princess: i can't handle it.
Liked someone: currently in love with somebody.
Liked someone who was taken: always.
Shaved your head: almost there.
Been in love: yes
Used chopsticks: considering am not a native chopsticks user, am quite good.
Sang in the mirror to yourself: lots of them.
Cried over someone: lots of them.
Wish you could change anything about yourself: lose some weight.
Ever think you are attractive: never.

Favorites

Flower: orchid, sunflower
Candy: ice lemon tea, yogurt based.
Song: Jordin Sparks - Tattoo, MoMusu, JPop, Blondie - Maria
Scent: Citrus
Color: Black, Dark Blue, Green, Red, White.
Movie: 300,Kingdom of Heaven.
Singer: Momusu, Hikki, B'z, Andrea Corr.
Word: Okies.
Junk food: Kerepek, choco, Jdorama.
Website: http://duengmangifera.blogspot.com and http://www.friendster.com/mangifera
Lotion: Lavendar
Animal: Cat-urday!

Biggest fear: Gain some more weight.
If you had to choose a fairytale as your life, what would you choose: Fairytale for dreamer. I'm a realist and pessimist.
Do you play any sports: Badminton, basketball, handball.

III

The rules:-Link to your tagger and post these rules. List (8) random facts about yourself and tag (8) people.

8 Random Facts

I can cook simple dish such as nasik goreng, mee goreng, bihun goreng.

Love to lepak-lepak kat dapur sambil bergosip dgn my sisters.

Emotionally unstable. my mood could change easily.

Once a decent basketball player with speciality in 2-points shoot.

Love to watch Jdorama, JPop especially Utada Hikaru (Hikki), Aya Matsuura (Ayaya), Momusu and Hello! Project stuff.

Homely type. I prefer to stay at home than going out.

Hardly open up myself to others.

Love to make gayish jokes.

8 people to tag

Anyone will do. huhu.

IV

What is your blogging name?
mangifera

When did you start blogging - exact date?
18 November 2004

What was your first title?
first step

Which post is the best post so far?
Perempuan....

Who promote/source of inspiration for you to blog?
My life, my thoughts, my obsession towards japanese stuff, friends, family.

When d'ya usually post entries?
Depends on my mood.

Where would you prefer to be when you are blogging?
Home.

Have you met other bloggers? Who?
Most of them.

How many entries you made in a month?
Depends on my mood, roughly 2-5 entry per month.

Would you reveal your face or your family in your blog? Why?
yes. it's my fucking blog anyway.

Would you promote your friends to blog? Why?
absolutely. it's a good way to share your life and keep your friends updated.

Would you feel restless/guilty conscious/incomplete if you didn't blog for a month?
Nope to restless but yes to guilty.

Define blogging
The way i tell people about myself. piece by piece.

Laughter definitely the best medicine

2008-01-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

Zul shows me a few damn funny video from YouTube and for every jokes lover, you really need to watch these videos. Anyway, please watch it during lunch time or at home. Viewer discretion is advised.

Ever thinking what does other language pronunciation sound like in Bahasa Malaysia or in English? Let's take a look.

Lagu jiwang gile babi tapi.....

Title: Lagu Jiwang Korea

Babak sedih tapi laughing is a must!

Title: Babak Sedih Dalam Condor Hero

What a Tamil song will sound like in Bahasa Malaysia & English? Take a look.

Title: Geli Mat

For next video, all multimedia application user will bashing their head against wall cause this video just superbly creative.

Title: Hindi Superman

Tamil song sounds like in English. If you not laughing, you should go kill yourself.

Title: Benny Lava

Ok, i hope you laugh enough. :)

Rojak!!!

2008-01-03T08:38:00.000+08:00

Been tagged by Soraya:

"What is your favorite body part?"

Well, as a man, i surely love my hand. In some way, i think that only my palm and finger is the best part of me (read: well presented). To think that i have "solar hand". Shit, again about the solar hand. yeah, i rerun too many times of Yakitate! Japan. hahahaha.

What i love about my palm and finger is everything that i'm almost good at eventually involved my palm and finger. am never a decent football player, eventually i hate playing football but i love watching people playing it. am good at basketball, used to play handball (bola baling for you guys), quite decent at volleyball, newbie at playing table tennis (that's ping pong) and improving in playing badminton. am quite good at using it. hehehe.

this chubby hand also gone alot with me. i used to make 720 degrees "roll" on asphal and my hand injured badly. How it happened? Well, you know the trick of standing on small pieces of metal extended from back wheel of bicycle. i used to do that a lot. One day when i do the same trick, my friend suddenly go downhill. my feet couldn't sustain my weight anymore and i just jump from the bicycle. if you ever watch any stunt involved jumping of a running bike, you should know how i do the roll. yeah, my hand injured badly. my muscle tearing up and almost revealing my finger bone.

this finger yet to deliver its best performance. ehem..only if you know what i mean. hahaha.

Next item: "I Love You, Hunny Bunny"

Ever watch Pulp Fiction? If you ever watch it, you must know the quote. I just love the quote since "Hunny Bunny" is really a cute way to call your loved one. It's much better than Baby, Babe or Sayang. hoho.

"I Love You, Hunny Bunny"

ehek.

Next item: Happy New Year 2008

Another year, nothing fancy for me. Last year, i been burnt out. totally burnt out for i need to quickly learning everything at work. What i want to do this year is to better my health condition and to become more motivated towards work. towards end of last year, am quite lazy to go to work due to some personal and work problem. However, i already ignore most of it and work towards to come early (which rarely to happen). Overall, i'm doing ok right now just a bit lack of motivation.

Maria

2007-12-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

Have you ever catch a tune in your head from oldies collection and you don't know the title. You keep searching the song based on tune that you keep remember for years yet no avail. How long does it take you to actually meet the song again?

In my case, it take me 7 years of my life to actually meet back with the old tune i use to listen during my secondary school. The song title "Maria" sang by Blondie. Yurp, the old Blondie from 70's. This song had been produced in 1999 but in some way i been hearing this song for more than a decade. Perhaps Blondie's touch really give you the old school feeling. I must say the most catchy part of this song really about its chorus.

Link: Blondie (band) & Maria (song)

This song was covered by Kim Ah Joong in the South Korean film 200 Pounds Beauty and also by a Korean band, Loveholic.

Wanna 'taste' some of Maria's chorus?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d6/Blondie_-_Maria.ogg

Full mp3 download (please be bare with popups and obscene image in the side banner.
Maria - Blondie

Owh...i'm so happy and nostalgic to listen to this song. uhuk~!

Social Butterfly??

2007-12-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

Credit to Adek and Wiena, i got hooked up with Daemon thingy of Golden Compass. Am a Butterfly? huhu. ok2, am a bit bored, so what? hahaha.

Movie! Movie! Movie!

2007-12-18T16:47:00.000+08:00

National Treasure 2: Book Of Secrets.

One of my most anticipated movie this year. I'm so in love with the first installment which challenge my intellectual and knowledge about american history. well, i know very little about american history thus the first installment really intrigue me to read more about it. history is always an interesting area to be venture in intellectually. Knowing what in the past equipped you for unknown future.

And not to mentioned, i almost in love with Jerry Bruckheimer's movies. Since "Remember The Titan", Jerry Bruckheimer produce quite an interesting movie. Not to mention, i dig to watch Nic Cage.

This installment basically on Gates' great grandfather which being accused to involve with Lincoln Assasination. Lincoln being known as first America President being assasinated. His policy on banning slavery create the Civil War in America which see Confederate and Union fight with each other. For those who interested, you could start from Abraham Lincoln and then go in depth with Civil War, Union, Confederate, and pretty much interesting things will appear.

Gates as a genius in riddle solving and american history will pouring all his best to discover all clues and solving the riddle. What intrigue me most is when they gone for Buckingham Palace in England. I know that America is a British colony but to think that the history traced back to Britain, it must be one hell of connection. It's also involved Area 51 (Wikipedia it anyway) and John F. Kennedy (Wikipedia also, he's one great American President) which written in President's Secret Books. Wow...i so want to watch it eventhough it might not be factually right.

Ah...it had been few month since i last watch movie in cinema. My last movie was Rattatoule (shit, i'm freaking lazy to google it anyway so pardon the spelling). So, who's with me for this movie?

Another might-be-good-to-watch movies: Atonement (sizzling Keira Knightly's movie), Warlords, I Am Legend (Will Smith's movie) and Alvin and The Chipmunks.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya AidilAdha and Merry Christmas. I will be in KL for both celebrations. Chiaow~!

What is love for?

2007-12-17T13:22:00.000+08:00

I remember watching few doramas and movies back in university days. You see, i'm truly love japanese dorama as i already been hooked up with JDo since i was in secondary school. My first JDo would be GTO - Great Teacher Onizuka. GTO really touching my emotion and as a man who freaking stubborn, i do have my *sob* moment when i watch GTO.

Growing up watching JDo, the anticipation for more JDo grew rather tremendous as i got my own PC. even when i'm not getting my own PC, i would patiently waiting in front of TV during weekend (during high school) to watch my favorite JDo. I even pick a fight with my schoolmate when they tried to annoy us, the JDo lover.

Along the way watching JDo, i realize JDo really put me in emotional state. Whether it's a happy JDo, a sad JDo, a hopeless JDo, i would cruise along with the feeling of main role. the effect so great, i could barely forget about my favorite JDo and how they make me feel.

After i got myself into messy thing called love, JDo become a powerful emotional treatment for me. Truly, when i watch Densha Otoko (the Train Man), i feel what Densha feels. i know it feel to be hopeless, crying over the one you love yet showing a strong face in front of others. More and more hopeless romantic, sappy love dorama filling my harddisk and i can't get my eyes from it. i'm feeling so invincible after watching JDo cause i feel like i'm being doped. the feeling JDo give me so real, i could live with just that feeling. I could crave for more, keep feeding my emotion.

When i think of it, i'm such a hard face. I rarely shows how i truly feel cause i think the world couldn't handle it. i rather an emotional man. but i appear cool. i appear strong. i appear emotionless. i'm sick, i know that. and while watching JDo, all those feeling breaking out. all those sadness, hopelessness, emotions which i rather not let people know outbreak within me.

and sometimes i wonder, whether i do TRULY feel like i want to be loved or is it just i need the dope of feeling and emotion to be filled by something else beside JDo? i kinda getting tired of this question. Sometimes, i said things i never intend to say, not the one hurt your feeling but the one who will make you flattered. sometimes i do mean it, sometimes i don't. and even i, myself couldn't define when the feeling is real and when the feeling is fake. sometimes, i feel nothing. i say it cause it's proper and it's something you should say in certain situation. to be fitting with environment, to not be isolated.

and love, is something i dunno what for. i live by purpose. for something i couldn't see where it could bring me to, i rather not go into it. sometimes i feel that i just fall in love because everybody does that. everybody do fall in love, so i think i need one. even if i dunno what the purpose of it.

btw, what is love for?